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" If I had my druthers, I would be a brain in a jar, with a burlap skirt around the cart I'm on - I don't attend to my physical being much. "

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" I was an umpire at little league softball games. I only lasted a few games because I wasn't one hundred percent clear on all the rules. "

" I've never had a couch that needed to be cleaned or learned how to couch-clean in general. That feels too grown-up. "

" Some people look at movies and think, 'Oh my gosh, that's so amazing.' But to me, I look at a politician or a scientist and think, 'They're creating the content of humanity.' "

" I tried for a short time to be something I wasn't, and had no success with it. It's a practical solution to just be yourself. "

" I had this dream in my head of, if I got hired by 'SNL, what that moment would be like. And I dreamed that I would, like, collapse on the sidewalk and cry to the heavens. I got this call, and it didn't happen naturally. But I did it anyway because I wanted to have that moment. So I did collapse. "

" Even when Facebook came out, and I was in college, I found myself never putting anything on it. "

" I love the produce section at the grocery store. "

" Nothing makes me laugh more than farting. "

" I pride myself on being tragically uncool. "

" I'm a very low-key person, but for some reason, I like to act out. "

" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "

" The first impression that I liked doing was an impression of Cheri Oteri's Barbara Walters impression on 'SNL.' I found that I could mimic that pretty well, and people got a kick out of that. "

First Impression

" What's not to love about a crazy cat lady? You have to be very giving to be a crazy cat lady. "

" I can't do choreographed movement. It has to come from my heart... and my pelvis. "

" You've gotta believe in yourself, and you just have to work harder at it than you've ever worked at anything before in your life. And if you keep doing that and keep believing in yourself, great things do happen. "

Believe In Yourself

" I love doing impressions of politicians because the task is always to imagine the private lives of these people whose job it is to project an image of staunch, unflinching leadership and grace, and that's just not how human beings, in their heart of hearts, work. "

" It's hard to write a comedy sketch. "

" I always wanted to live alone for a month in a lakeside cabin. In my fantasy, I enter a state of perfect peace and grow my own kale and stuff, but in real life, I think I might be very bored after four days. "

" I really like collections of things. I love antique botanical prints with a bunch of different weeds and seeds. "

" I've been a big astrophysics nut since I was 12. I have always had a real soft spot for the bizarreness of quantum mechanics. But I gave up on being a scientist in high school - I'm just not that good at math. "

" I started watching 'SNL' when I was thirteen or so; those were the Molly Shannon/Ana Gasteyer/Cheri Oteri years. "

" I feel like science and art are cousins. "

" I was just never discouraged from doing something wacky like trying to be a comedian. "

" Getting recognized on the street is fine, but I never really wanted to be famous. I just wanted to have mastered the art of sketch comedy. "