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" If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet. "

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" Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count. "

" You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy. "

" I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far. "

" Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other. "

" Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples. "

" If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor. "