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" If you come to any of my live shows, you'll see, it's very frenetic. I have the attention span of a gnat. "

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" People who annoy people are the luckiest people in the world. "

" One of the great pleasures of having children is spending one-on-one time with them. Sadly, I could do that for only a few minutes at a time. I'd never say that ADD/ADHD is a gift or a blessing. And if someone says it is a gift, I'd love to return it. "

" I was kind of a misfit, actually. When you're young, you want to be like everybody else, and I was like nobody else. I couldn't sit still. I was impulsive. I still am. What is now called a 'talent' did not serve me well as a child. I didn't have friends. I was really an outcast. "

" You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, 'No ice cream,' buys the ice cream, and says, 'Don't tell your mother.' You teach the child to lie - and to disrespect the other parent. "

" I've spent more time in Las Vegas than any other city, almost including L.A. where I live. "

" I am beloved by millions. "

" There were 84 original episodes. It was rated No. 1 and No. 2 on the Fox Children's Network. We figured it was time to make it available to people who have never watched it. "

" I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane. "

" There isn't anybody out there who doesn't have a mental health issue, whether it's depression, anxiety, or how to cope with relationships. Having OCD is not an embarrassment anymore - for me. Just know that there is help and your life could be better if you go out and seek the help. "

" Part of my humor is the fact that I love coming out of left field. I don't want people to expect what is going to happen next. "

" I go to therapy a lot. And I'm - I'm open about that, and I try to get the help so that I - so that I can cope and - and make my way in life and with my family. "

" I think being a dad is scary. I mean, I'm not that grown-up myself. "

" I was totally involved in Bobby's World from the time we started the idea to sitting with the artists on how he would look, to the script meetings, the music, the lyrics, the songs. "

" Everything runs its course. We had told a lot of stories that happened in our life. My kid was getting older, and we were running out of stories to tell. "

" It's really not that hard. If I do a Tonight Show, it's six or seven minutes. If I do a concert, it's 90 minutes. If I do an interview, that's 15 minutes. So by the end of the day I've done three hours worth of work. "

" Regardless of what I do, whether I write a book or whether I act or whether I host, I'll always do stand-up comedy because those moments, that's what I crave. If I do something funny, and I hear a crowd laugh in that moment, we're all sharing the exact same experience and the exact same feeling. "

" The biggest void that people can have in their lives is a sense of humor. Spending your life with someone who doesn't have that wouldn't be palatable. "

" You can go home with a lot of money with absolutely no skill. "

" The success of any stand-up act comes out of life experience. "

" I have thoughts - obtrusive thoughts and rituals that have to - it's like a broken re - a skipping record. And if these thoughts or these triggers happen to me through maybe shaking a hand or just a thought or just - then I can't get past it and move on with my life. "

" I once missed an appointment because I left my house, I locked the door. And then I thought, like anybody else, you know, 'I don't think I locked the door.' I just kept going back to the door. And I couldn't stop myself from checking and checking. "

" I have to be the only person in America who had a doctor say to him, 'Please don't put any more surgical gloves on your head and inflate them.' "

" What is the luck of the draw that me - me - who finally writes a book, it comes out in the - in the - in the time, in the center of the first pandemic, H1N1? And I'm going out on signings, and I'm going out to the public. This is the one time when I need to be hermetically sealed. "

" I'm a huge fan of mine. I go to just about every show I do. "

" What are the two biggest things online? Selfies and emojis. We're combining them. Instead of sending some character that means nothing with a hat - what if it was your face doing something? Me-moji. "

" We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life. "

" If I'm a game show host, will someone buy a ticket to see me do standup? To do a dramatic role in a movie? "

" I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as an adult, but I don't remember a time when I didn't have them. Back in the 1960s, when I was growing up, my symptoms didn't have a name, and you didn't go to the doctor to find out. "

" My childlike qualities sometimes lead me to jump into projects without thinking of the consequences. "

" I have an insatiable desire to be the center of attention. "