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" You can go home with a lot of money with absolutely no skill. "

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" The success of any stand-up act comes out of life experience. "

" Stand-up comedy is a sickness. Who wouldn't want a room full of people laughing and screaming at you just because of who you are? Nothing is as good, except maybe having a baby. "

" I am beloved by millions. "

" 'Deal or No Deal' works nicely with my ADD/ADHD symptoms. I show up, meet the contestants, and move around the set. I'm not stuck behind a pedestal reading trivia questions. I've always had problems sitting still and listening for long periods of time. The show spares me these challenges. I can live in the moment. It's like a standup act. "

" I have to be the only person in America who had a doctor say to him, 'Please don't put any more surgical gloves on your head and inflate them.' "

" The biggest void that people can have in their lives is a sense of humor. Spending your life with someone who doesn't have that wouldn't be palatable. "

" If you come to any of my live shows, you'll see, it's very frenetic. I have the attention span of a gnat. "

" I've been chased. I've been pushed. I've been screamed at. I've been verbally abused. I've been afraid for my safety. But I did it all in the name of entertainment. "

" I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as an adult, but I don't remember a time when I didn't have them. Back in the 1960s, when I was growing up, my symptoms didn't have a name, and you didn't go to the doctor to find out. "

" One of the great pleasures of having children is spending one-on-one time with them. Sadly, I could do that for only a few minutes at a time. I'd never say that ADD/ADHD is a gift or a blessing. And if someone says it is a gift, I'd love to return it. "

" What is the luck of the draw that me - me - who finally writes a book, it comes out in the - in the - in the time, in the center of the first pandemic, H1N1? And I'm going out on signings, and I'm going out to the public. This is the one time when I need to be hermetically sealed. "

" I'm always in a hotel room, and I spend a good portion of my day setting it up so it's comfortable for me. Whether that means making paths out of towels so I don't touch the carpet or removing the comforters or just not touching things. Even sitting on a plane with a bunch of other people - it's really hard for me. "

" After I impulsively revealed that I have OCD on a talk show, I was devastated. I often do things without thinking. That's my ADD/ADHD talking. Out in public, after I did the show, people came to me and said, 'Me, too.' They were the most comforting words I've ever heard. "

" I know intellectually that if I shake somebody's hand that I'm not going to get sick and die. "

" Diana Ross saw me on Merv Griffin and hired me to be her opening act. "

" What are the two biggest things online? Selfies and emojis. We're combining them. Instead of sending some character that means nothing with a hat - what if it was your face doing something? Me-moji. "

" People who annoy people are the luckiest people in the world. "

" I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane. "

" I was kind of a misfit, actually. When you're young, you want to be like everybody else, and I was like nobody else. I couldn't sit still. I was impulsive. I still am. What is now called a 'talent' did not serve me well as a child. I didn't have friends. I was really an outcast. "

" Regardless of what I do, whether I write a book or whether I act or whether I host, I'll always do stand-up comedy because those moments, that's what I crave. If I do something funny, and I hear a crowd laugh in that moment, we're all sharing the exact same experience and the exact same feeling. "

" We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life. "

" I'm a huge fan of mine. I go to just about every show I do. "

" There's no skill. You can be a rock and move into another cash bracket. "

" I love voice-acting - I can go to work without wearing pants. Although I did wear pants during Gremlins. But it's always more comfortable to work without. And if you notice, I relate to Gizmo in that way because he also works without pants. I have furry little legs, too. "

" We were a very small circle of writers. Everybody brought to the table their own life experience. "

" My wife doesn't cook, so we eat out every night. It's not fine dining or anything - we're not fancy people. "

" In the mid-1970s, there was this huge boom of stand-up comedy throughout North America. I went to see a show at a club called Yuk-Yuks, in Toronto, and I was just fascinated. I ended up coming back for amateur hour on a Monday at midnight and got up there without any thought as to what might come of it. "

" I once called construction companies to bid on an addition to the school library so that there would suddenly be people outside, measuring the building. 'Who authorized this?' the principal would ask. The answer: 'Howie Mandel.' "

" It's really not that hard. If I do a Tonight Show, it's six or seven minutes. If I do a concert, it's 90 minutes. If I do an interview, that's 15 minutes. So by the end of the day I've done three hours worth of work. "

" There isn't anybody out there who doesn't have a mental health issue, whether it's depression, anxiety, or how to cope with relationships. Having OCD is not an embarrassment anymore - for me. Just know that there is help and your life could be better if you go out and seek the help. "