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" I'm not that musical. I don't really know how a record is produced, and, funnily enough, I don't want to. "
Simon Cowell
Really
Record
Know
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" I couldn't think of anything worse than being in an unhappy marriage. It worries me because I've seen it destroy people. "
Simon Cowell
People
Me
Marriage
" I can't admit things; that's why I can't go to funerals and stuff like that. I find it very, very difficult to deal with that kind of reality. I shut myself off totally because it affects me so badly. "
Simon Cowell
Kind
Admit
Reality
" Not everybody is perfect, and I don't think we should be looking for perfect people. "
Simon Cowell
Think
Should
Perfect
" I was bought an electric guitar when I was 12, but my guitar teacher beat me up. I didn't like guitar lessons and I got quite bored. My teacher was obviously bored giving me lessons, and one day I offered him a liquorice toffee, but he didn't answer. So I threw it at him, it hit him in the face, and he sort of beat me up. "
Simon Cowell
Me
Guitar
Teacher
" As an actor, I really like Philip Seymour Hoffman. I think he's a genius. "
Simon Cowell
Think
I Think
He
" I get very anti-social, depressed and irritable with people. I don't have time for them. I can't make phone calls and stuff. I just sit on my own for days. "
Simon Cowell
Time
My Own
Own
" I am quite miserable because I'm never satisfied with what I've got. You're always looking for that next high, and that is what I would define as happiness. "
Simon Cowell
I Am
You
Looking
" There was nothing I could - and wanted to - learn in school. It was just a complete waste of my time. "
Simon Cowell
Nothing
School
Time
" I could just sit back and get someone to spin my achievements, I suppose, but when I see others do it, I always think, 'Why are you telling me how successful you are?' I am always suspicious of those kinds of boasts. "
Simon Cowell
I Am
Back
You
" I don't want to tell a 15 or 14 year old what they should be doing. I want them to tell me. And that's what I got when I met Justin Bieber for the first time. "
Simon Cowell
First Time
Doing
Year
" The end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes. "
Simon Cowell
Time
Animal
Death
" The secret of my success is that I make other people money. And, never ever, ever, ever be ashamed about trying to earn as much as possible for yourself, if the person you're working with is also making money. That's life! "
Simon Cowell
Success
Life
Money
" If I said to most of the people who auditioned, 'Good job, awesome, well done,' it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. It's quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless. "
Simon Cowell
Me
Well Done
People
" Every time I sat in a chemistry lesson, I thought, 'What am I doing this for? I don't ever want to be in a job that involves a Bunsen burner.' "
Simon Cowell
Am
Doing
Chemistry
" I don't think I can do this anymore. "
Simon Cowell
Think
I Can
Anymore
" You always want to go to a party where you get an invite. "
Simon Cowell
Always
Go
You
" I've always been petrified of working for a boss who I didn't like but who I was in fear of, because I wanted my salary. "
Simon Cowell
Fear
Working
Who
" I'm going to give all my money away, eventually. I don't believe in all this hand-down stuff. Even if I had kids, I don't think I'd want to give them everything. "
Simon Cowell
Want
Think
Money
" My dad said to me, 'Work hard and be patient.' It was the best advice he ever gave me. You have to put the hours in. "
Simon Cowell
Work
Me
Best
" I still put punctuation in my texts. If it's an 'I', I make sure it's a capital. "
Simon Cowell
Still
Punctuation
Make
" When you get your first pay cheque, it's the best feeling in the world. "
Simon Cowell
First
Best
You
" If I was gay, why wouldn't I admit it? It wouldn't harm me. "
Simon Cowell
Why
Gay
Me
" When you're making a reality show, you can't even plan a week ahead now. "
Simon Cowell
You
Now
Reality
" When someone asks, 'Does success make you into a monster?' I always say, 'No, it enables you to be a monster.' "
Simon Cowell
Make
Say
Always
" If I go into a relationship with an artist, which at most is going to last five years, we have a 100-page contract covering every eventuality. Whereas with marriage you go into it with no contract, with laws that date back hundreds of years, and I don't think that's right. "
Simon Cowell
Relationship
Back
Marriage
" You don't go into anything contemplating failure, because if you did, you wouldn't make it. "
Simon Cowell
Did
Failure
Because
" I want people to understand that from the minute Lady Gaga arrived, she created a new set of rules: being different is good; embrace it. "
Simon Cowell
Being Different
People
Good
" I've had Botox, but then again pretty much everyone I know has. To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste. It works. You do it once a year - who cares? "
Simon Cowell
More
You
Me
" Have I got a black book? Yes, it's called a mobile phone. I do get offers. There is no shortage of people if you want to go on dates - working in TV, living in L.A., it is there if you want it. "
Simon Cowell
Phone
Living
Book
" If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning. "
Simon Cowell
Singing
Your
Good