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" I'm not very funny at all in real life. "

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" I write tragedies and things when I'm alone. Chekhovian dramas. "

" Most stand-up is incredibly boring. It's time for people to do something else. "

" I can't do jokes. I've always come from left field and tried to subvert conventional comedy. I started as a rebellion against that - albeit a very soft and surreal rebellion. It's escapist. "

" I don't do stand-up anymore. "

" Films do have suspense and tensions and scares and jumps, and I like to write things that have both in them, comedy and horror, but sometimes they are hard to balance. "

" I think with performing, initially I was terrified on stage, absolutely terrified. And I did it again and again and again, and I learned sort of how it works, and then I was able to do it. "

" We used to have to convince people we were funny, and it didn't always work. "

" This business is ephemeral, and you have to maintain a healthy cynicism about it. There's a 'flavour of the month' aspect to it, so you have to keep moving on and mutating. "

" I was going to be a jazz-fusion guitarist. I came to London at one point with my mate, and we were going to make it. We spent three days there and went back home to our mummies. "

" Writing can make you feel a bit psychotic. You create a world, and you're sitting inside it all day long, talking to people who are not really there. "

" The secret of comedy is don't grow up. That's why some comedians are a nightmare, because they never grow up. "

" Not really a good idea to eat things fans have made because you don't know what state of mind they were in when they made them. "

" You don't need a high concept to make a great film, of course. 'Withnail & I' is not - it's probably not much on paper, but it's one of the funniest films ever made. "

" When things start running a bit too well on the tracks, I tend to derail them if I can. "

" I don't like talking about myself; I'm not good at analysing myself. I don't want to analyse myself. "

" I ran off stage at my first gig. Halfway through it, I forgot my lines and didn't know what to do, so I just ran out of the building down towards a lake. I was going to throw myself in, but the compere came out and said, 'No, it's going well, come back and finish the gig!' "

" Life without music would be a mistake. "

" I did try and do some spooky stand up once, and some of my stand-up had - I tried to do some horror stand-up, but it didn't really work very well. "

" I like the countryside. I like chopping wood. I'd like to be a carpenter. "

" It's a weird profession, as I don't really consider myself an actor. I did at one point, and I went and started doing auditions, and I was so useless at them and so demoralised by doing audition after audition and not getting them and also not being able to take it in my stride at all. I just felt crushed and worthless. "

" I can act with either eye, but you've got to be twice as good as an actor to act with one eye. You need to put all your emotions just through one eye and really punch it out of that eye. I found it quite difficult to do at first, and then I found a technique that allowed me to act with one eye, which I patented. "

" I remember films I made at university, which are unbelievably pretentious. Poetry that I'd written that I delivered to camera, against a Venetian blind, strong shadows, looking slightly off-camera. "

" Me and Noel went to HBO once and pitched this really ludicrous idea about us driving around in a haunted car, and they just stared at us. Literally stared at us! It was awful. Luckily, we were together, so we could laugh about it, but if we were on our own, it would have been one of the worst moments ever. "

" When you're really laughing, you feel like a little kid, and nothing matters. "

" I love 'Airplane,' and I love 'Naked Gun' and all those films, where you're parodying. "

" Pain - that is what life is about, isn't it? Suffering with moments of reprieve. "

" We just thought of 'Boosh' as an extension of our childhoods in a way, the stuff we had grown up on and loved: 'Monty Python,' The Goodies, Frank Zappa. It spoke to a certain type of person, and we just carried on doing it. "

" Performers often can be quite socially inept, you know? And even great comedians are like that. "

" My life is divided up into before I had kids and after. "

" Sometimes I do that quite a lot, go back and forth a lot between ideas. Try things out. "