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" I'm so black, I leave fingerprints on coal. "

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" I became the storyteller of South Side Chicago. I used an old Kiwi liquid shoe polish as a microphone. I'd go around the house interviewing everybody, telling stupid jokes, doing voices. I mimicked Sidney Poitier, Sammy Davis Jr., people on 'Laugh-In,' Flip Wilson. "

" I have Glocks, .45s, Berettas, Remingtons. I like the marksmanship and the discipline that it takes to be a gun owner. I like the machinery. Being able to take it out and clean it is even more fascinating than having the gun. "

" Fear is not one of my attributes. "

" I can't build myself by beating somebody down. "

" I love my daughter, but there's a certain feeling, a certain emotion when you got a granddaughter, you know? "

" As I got older, I got into all kinds of things in the streets - but for some reason, I never got caught up with the gangs growing up. Everybody dug me, man. I never had problems. "

" I've always been a reserved cat. When I play sports, there's people used to get mad at me because I didn't hang out and things like that. I've never been that kind of person. Nothing has changed in that regard. I've never been posse, and all that. I'm a quiet storm. "

" The success of my comedy has been not being afraid to touch on subject matters or issues that everyone else is politically scared of. "

" My grandmother always told me how you start is how you finish. "

" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "

" I don't need to pat myself on the back until my arm breaks. I don't need any of that. "

" Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something. "

" I don't ever watch myself. By watching, you try to perfect yourself, become a robot. "

" I can act. I've been acting for a long time, but like anything else, don't nobody owe you nothing. You've go to pay your dues. You go from A to Z; you don't go from M to Z. "

" There's no success story. Everybody's got a ghetto story. You always want to make it bigger than what it is. "

" I'm looking for laughs, you know? If it take me to flip over a table, if I have to go physical comedy, I will do it. But whatever the joke needs at that particular time, is where I'm dedicated to. I'm not into beating somebody down and beating myself up. I don't do insults and things like that. I don't do it - I'm a storyteller. "

" When I hit my 20s, I struggled to make it. I got married at 19, and my daughter, Je'Niece, was born a year later. I worked blue collar jobs during the day and comedy clubs at night, and I was earning about $25 a year doing stand-up. "

" You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke. "

" If I can tell someone a story that makes them bend over and laugh, that's bigger than anything else. "

" That's the whole key to anything: Don't be afraid to fail. And Bernie Mac is not afraid to fail. "

" Why I was so intrigued with Red Skelton was because he was able to make you cry and laugh and the same time. That was power. "

" I'm not a star, and I don't want to be a star. Stars fall. I'm an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job. "

" My family are police officers, detectives. My brother Mitch is FBI. Mitch is like that - a stern enforcer. "

Police Officers

" I don't have no story. Everybody wants this Hollywood story, but the world don't owe you nothing, man. It's what you owe the world. "