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" I'm so proud to do it - there's nothing else I do that compares to 'Children in Need.' "

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" I've never stayed in a tent or a caravan in my life, and I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't see the point of going on holiday to enjoy less comfort than I have at home. "

" I'm on the university board in Limerick, so I visit the city often. "

" I say to my children, the reason that marriage - and having children - is so important is that it stops you thinking about yourself. The way to happiness is to give yourself to others and to think of others before you think of yourself. "

" A television chat show is light entertainment, so it is trivial by its very nature. It is hardly the place to get people to reveal their innermost thoughts. Then it becomes sensationalism, and you lower yourself to the level of the popular newspapers. "

" I think if they wanted to get me to leave 'Children in Need,' they'd have to drag me off screaming. It's one thing that's so close to my heart, and I feel passionately about it. I gave up my radio show, with regret, but knowing I'd done it for a long time, the same with Eurovision. But 'Children in Need' is different. "

" All of us are private to ourselves. Nobody ever really knows anybody else. Everybody in the world keeps something to themselves. "

" I don't think there's a public in the world who respond like the British to a call for charity. "

" Time flies like an arrow - but fruit flies like a banana. "

" I have great fun with the Togs - Terry's Old Geezers and Gals. They're a group that formed around me over the years of my radio shows. They are loyal to me and I'm loyal to them, so I've been to their conventions - Leicester University gives us their campus. "

" There's nothing to be said for being famous. It's a pain. You can't be rude to people - it's inexcusable not to be nice. Anyway, it's not in my nature. I was trained to be nice. "

" I don't like seeing myself on screen. Whenever I see or hear myself, I think, 'What is that eejet doing now?' I'm in the wrong business. I don't like the limelight. "

" BBC TV gets hold of an idea and beats it to death until we're all heartily sick of it. They buy people without thinking what they're going to do with them. It's the wrong way around. What they should be doing is employing really good ideas people to come up with good ideas. "

" Most television could be presented by a dachshund. Radio can't, although there are a lot of dachshunds in there. "

" I get a lot of letters from people saying, 'How do I get into radio, how do I get into telly?' and I wish there was an answer, because there's no ladder. There are no parameters. You've just got to go in wherever you can, make the tea, and slowly make your way up the ladder. "

" What used to be called 'good manners' is now regarded as mere affectation. Open a door for a young woman, and she's likely to call security. "

" There's more to life than passing exams, and paper qualifications can only take you so far. A lot depends on luck, and on being in the right place at the right time, which was certainly true in my case. "

" I've always been the kind of person who leaves parties early to catch the last bus home. "

" Treasure is the kind of thing you dig up... or bury! And when people say, 'Oh, he's an icon,' well, an icon is a very old painting hanging in a Russian church! If you want to say something, say something nice about me. Don't call me a national treasure. "

" My father was always slightly bemused by my success. Although he knew that I had reasonable intelligence, he always thought that I was a little bit lazy. "

" I spent my entire Irish Catholic youth in a constant state of guilt over imaginary sins. I learned that nothing is a sin as long as you don't take pleasure from it. "

" Why do men think they know how to cook outside when they haven't the smallest idea how to go about it indoors? "

" I'd have liked to have been a bit more intellectual. I'd have liked to have had more brains. "

" Oh, I'm a great believer in the power of the pause. Radio is a bit brasher now. My style was slower. I just used to go in, open the microphone and say the first thing that came into my head. "

" Television contracts the imagination and radio expands it. "

" The high spot of my day has always been getting home to have my dinner with my family. It still is: to have my dinner with Helen. It's a cocktail and dinner. I know I'm a tired old geezer, but there you are. "

" I was born an optimist, as I always say. If I wake up in the morning with a pain in my chest, I'll always assume it's indigestion. It will probably be the end of me! But it's true - that's the kind of person I am. "

" The BBC knew I was successful from early on, but they weren't sure why, and they still aren't sure. What I do has been unconventional from the beginning, so they've never been sure. It just works. It just does. "

" All reality TV shows are a triumph of voyeurism. They choose contestants who are ill-suited and slightly freakish. "

" I have to say, without getting up on a soapbox, I find these reality shows absolutely disgusting. "

" I don't do a lot when I'm in Gascony. I swim and play the odd game of golf, but mainly I sit around. We're set an hour-and-a-half from the Pyrenees and an hour-and-a-half from the Bay of Biscay, so we get plenty of storms. But we're surrounded by vines and sunflowers - it's lovely. "