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" Life can very genuinely and realistically pile things on. It doesn't dole out the heartache and pain, or joy, perfectly. "

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" I didn't like to stop playing for a second to bother with eating or going to the bathroom. I was a really skinny kid, and I remember my mother always telling people, 'I don't know how she's alive. I think she gets all of her nutrients from air pollution.' "

" Before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat-chested, and I made so many jokes over the years about how small my chest was that I started to think that maybe my boobs overheard me... and were just like, 'You know what? We're sick of this. Let's kill her.' "

" I want to be silly, and that's being authentic just as much as being open and honest. It's authentic to make weird clown horn noises when it strikes you. "

" Maybe almost 20 years ago, I was like, 'God, I need to be more direct.' And I found times that I could practice it when it was maybe not my family or friends or co-workers. It's a quality that's rarely disliked. "

" The hardest lesson to learn always is to just have faith in that you will always have something to say or a story to tell. I have faith that I'll be able to continue to tell stories, write and tell stories. You just need to keep going at it. "

" Basically I'm a female human being with brown hair, enjoy precision, reading the news, eating delicious food with my delicious friends and laughing at ridiculous things that don't translate while you are desperately trying to make them. "

" As a kid, I loved Paula Poundstone and Richard Pryor. But my mother was a huge influence on my comedy. "

" It was a free-for-all with music when I was growing up. My mother was a huge music fanatic so I was listening to everything from country to heavy metal to Indigo Girls to Elton John. I guess when I was really young I didn't like Willie Nelson, and she obviously loved him. Now I do too, I'm so thankful to her for playing his music nonstop. "

" I was very into animals and nature, and really obsessed with cats and monkeys. I used to play in the woods, wander off into the woods for hours. I'd bring a clipboard and think that I was doing some work out there, following the trails of raccoons or collecting bird feathers. "

" I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order). "

" Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either. "

" It's almost embarrassing how much support I have. I mean, I always tell people I feel like I'm perfectly set up to have cancer. I have great health insurance, I have a savings account. I have work lined up. I have friends and family. I have the best doctors I can get. "

" I just absolutely adore Denver and the Boulder area. Having lived there several times, it feels like home to me. "

" I have somebody I admire and want to keep at a distance. I've had the opportunity to meet her a couple of times - it's Chrissie Hynde from The Pretenders. I just am nuts about her, but I have no interest in meeting her because I just don't think she could live up to what she's been to me in my head. "

" I get kind of, um, bored by all the sexuality and gender labels because I feel like that's where the problem comes in, when people feel that they need to have these particular identities. If you didn't have these labels, and you just acted on how you genuinely felt at any point, then you wouldn't have anything to contend with. "

" My mother was so stylish, but she never pushed that on me. She always thought I looked cool. "

" I've had an ongoing fantasy about being interviewed on, like, a '60 Minutes'-type show about this really inspiring woman that can do anything with a fake leg. And then the camera pans out, and I'm just holding a mannequin leg. "

" People love to make comedians out to be miserable, dark, twisted people. And I just - I think a lot of people struggle with depression and mental illness and have issues and problems within their family. The mailman has it. Your neighbor has it. It's just that comedians have a microphone. "

" My mother was a very, very funny, outrageous, outspoken person, and she never edited me. Her whole thing in my life was if anybody had a problem with me, tell them to go to hell. "

" I'm always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something's dark, I'll do it. "

" Comedy was a secret want, but it wasn't anything I pursued. "

" I was a full-blown tomboy; I was very mischievous and got into a lot of trouble. Everybody in my family smoked, and I started smoking probably when I was nine. My friends used to call me Huckleberry Tig. "

" My favorite thing to wear from about first to third grade was a blue t-shirt with an iron-on monkey and the caption 'Here Comes Trouble.' "

" My career has always kind of moved forward and upward. I've never had anything kind of stall out or go in the opposite direction. I've always kind of been moving in the right direction. "