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" Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. "

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" If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner. "

" A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. "

" I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom. "

" I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free. "

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" You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony. "

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" Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. "

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" In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief. "