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" Marriage was never a dream or an ambition for me. I thank my real mother for the fact that - unlike my sitcom mother - she never put any pressure on me or my sister to marry. "
Miranda Hart
Marriage
Mother
Ambition
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" In my head, I have the most sensational singing voice. I perform concerts to thousands in the shower. The reality is I can hold a tune. The dream is a West End musical one day - no, really! "
Miranda Hart
Singing
Dream
End
" I do love to cry. I'll cry at the drop of a hat. I'll cry at your basic television programme, let alone a weepie. But not big, heavy, serious crying. I haven't done that for a while, which is a relief. More like a little welling up of joy. "
Miranda Hart
Love
Joy
Alone
" I suppose you want me to say I'm at parties all the time and am secretly going out with Tom Cruise, but I am afraid that is not the case. I'm still in my pyjamas at nine o'clock each night, watching ITV2 without telling anyone. "
Miranda Hart
You
Me
Night
" Pessimism is my default setting. "
Miranda Hart
Pessimism
Setting
Default
" I'm not a stereotypically beautiful woman, and I'm so happy that I'm not. I've seen those ladies - the need to be attractive at all times is ghastly. Also, in your twenties, if you are beautiful, everything comes to you, so you never need to develop a personality. I never had that problem. "
Miranda Hart
Beautiful
Woman
Happy
" I have a fantastic method for anti-ageing. It's eating. Plumps out your skin beautifully. "
Miranda Hart
Your
Skin
Eating
" I did things like get in a cupboard before the teacher came in at the beginning of a lesson, and then, two minutes before the end of the class, I come out of the cupboard and go, 'Sorry I'm late.' "
Miranda Hart
Sorry
End
Go
" I'm such a comedy fan that I just love laughing and so admire comedians who have brought me joy. "
Miranda Hart
Me
Love
Joy
" My mum said to me once years ago, which really spurred me on, 'You're the funniest person I know'. I loved that. "
Miranda Hart
You
Said
Person
" No blessing goes uncontested. It will take a long time to get your dream. "
Miranda Hart
Time
Blessing
Dream
" I loved school. Not sure how much I focused on the education; just had fun and played lacrosse for seven years. It was lucky I had sport, which I was good at, so it didn't matter that I wasn't great on the academic side, or not brilliant at drama. Although I am still bitter about not being in the school choir. Furious, actually. "
Miranda Hart
Education
School
I Am
" My greatest fear is fear. Ooh, meta. "
Miranda Hart
Fear
Greatest
Ooh
" I want to be more physical and theatrical within the stand-up. There might be dance moments, and people better watch out - I will gallop. "
Miranda Hart
Moments
Better
Dance
" I am pleased to say that I am not a tortured comedian - I laugh a lot. My twenties weren't particularly happy, but it's the same for a lot of people. In your thirties, you realise that your life and your worries are really insignificant, and you have to force yourself to be more positive and take each day as a gift. "
Miranda Hart
Yourself
Day
Happy
" Being tall is very good for reaching high shelves and seeing in a crowd. Sadly, it has also given me the inability to dance. There's too much of me to look neat, which is most disappointing. "
Miranda Hart
Dance
Good
Me
" There are some professions that culturally and sociologically take a long time to change, and because of that, there's still sexism in comedy audiences. We shouldn't blame them: I do it too. A woman comes on, and I feel slightly anxious. I'm a woman in comedy, and I do that; I think everyone does. "
Miranda Hart
Long
Blame
Time
" I am not married, no. I wasn't really into the notion when I was younger, but now I think a proposal is the ultimate romantic gesture. "
Miranda Hart
Romantic
I Am
Now
" Everyone - particularly my female friends I speak to - all say 'I wouldn't be in my twenties again if I was paid.' It's a difficult time. "
Miranda Hart
Say
Time
Speak
" I kiss, but I don't tell. "
Miranda Hart
Kiss
Tell
" If I had had plastic surgery, I would have asked for something better than the face you are seeing! I actually really hate plastic surgery when it's just for aesthetics and anti-ageing. I think ageing is beautiful and expressive and characterful. "
Miranda Hart
Better
Hate
Face
" I'm very much in denial that I can't dance. I really go for it, which is almost more embarrassing. "
Miranda Hart
Go
Go For It
Much
" People are obviously going to mention what I look like, but it's a shame it has to be a key part. I can't just be Miranda. "
Miranda Hart
People
Look
Like
" My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends.' And Goran Ivanisevic. "
Miranda Hart
Crush
Friends
Greatest
" About me - I used to want to be a P.E. teacher, and kind of still do. "
Miranda Hart
Still
Want
Teacher
" I wanted to be a farmer's wife. I thought it would be quite fun to wake up of a morning, collect eggs and have sheep and pigs as pets. I know now that it would also involve having to sleep with the farmer, but at the time I wasn't thinking about the sexual implications - I was 11. "
Miranda Hart
Sleep
Fun
Morning
" Things don't have to come to you in your youth. It's fine for them to come to you when you get older. That's a motto in my household. "
Miranda Hart
Youth
Things
You
" I spent my childhood clad in 1970s hand-me-downs, primarily from male cousins, which mainly consisted of a selection of beige, brown and orange dungarees. That, combined with a perfectly round pudding-bowl haircut, made me look, on a good day, like a cross between Ann Widdecombe, one of the Flower Pot Men, and a monk. "
Miranda Hart
Childhood
Day
Good Day
" I started watching some 'Doctor Who' recently on my own and got too scared. I had to watch it in the daytime - I'm pathetic. "
Miranda Hart
Doctor
Watch
Scared
" Because I have a dog, it's easier to work at home: I sit in a horrible weird 'Mastermind'-style chair and bask in my own mediocrity. Being single, I've no family life to distract me at the end of the day. Apart from taking the dog for a walk, I have no other responsibilities. "
Miranda Hart
Dog
Home
Family
" My whole family is obsessed by brandy butter. And bread sauce. Then, of course, there will be a lot of wind in the afternoon! We have never disguised the wind side of our lives as a family; we think it's hilarious. "
Miranda Hart
Wind
Bread
Family