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" My dad saw 'A Dirty Shame.' I felt bad about my father knowing what 'felching' was. "

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" The few movies I can even think of that I watch over and over would be the Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton movie 'Boom!', 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!', and 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.' I wouldn't call any of them mainstream. "

" I was in the 'Alvin and the Chipmunk' movie, which was a real bucket list item. "

" I'd be a bad father. I'm too self-involved. "

" Fellini was a little lofty for a teenage boy, but certainly he was a huge influence. "

" I always was a weird child. My mother told me the story that, in kindergarten, I would come home and tell her about this weird kid in my class who drew only with black crayons and didn't speak to other kids. I talked about it so much that my mother brought it up with the teacher, who said, 'What? That's your son.' "

" Good actors, actually, in real life, are shy and very quiet people a lot of the time. "

" Liberal censors are the worst. I don't remember any trouble with 'Serial Mom' or 'Cecil B. Demented' or any of them. Except 'Cry Baby.' "

" My dreams have come true. I mean, everything I wanted to happen as a kid has already happened. "

" Grade school ruined reading for me by demanding book reports for such snore-a-thons as Benjamin Franklin's biography written for children. "

" I grew up in Baltimore, which is, you know, a city of extremes certainly, but my parents were very conservative. But they made me feel safe, and even though they were mortified at what I was doing, they encouraged it. I think because they thought, what else could I do? "

" In sixth grade, I went to a very good private school, and I did learn there. I learned how to read and write. If I had quit school in sixth grade, I would know as much as I know today and would have made one more movie. By the time I got to college, I was so bored and angry. "

" I've been arrested several times. I've been known to dress in ludicrous fashions. I've also built a career out of negative reviews. "

" My 40th birthday I held in an old-age home. My 50th I had at Pravda before it opened in New York. My 60th I had at Pastis. For my 70th, I thought, 'I don't need to have a celebrity party this year. I'm going to go take my oldest, closest friends to Paris.' "

" I think I'm probably the only person that, when the parents lent me money to make the movie, they wished I had not paid them back. They could have said 'No,' and it would have ended, and I would have gotten a real job. "

" At my age, you can go either fat or gaunt. I've gone gaunt. "

" Putting out compilation records, buying the right to music is incredibly complicated. You have to find the writer of the song and the publisher of the song - not the singer - and make two separate deals. "

" I was creating characters early. People didn't beat me up. I scared them. I hated authority. I could also get people to do things; I was quite the early director. I could make people laugh enough to get their defences down - and then brainwash them. "

" I like art. It's another way to rebel. "

" I remember when I first went to the Baltimore Museum of Art and I bought this little Moreau print in the gift shop. I took it home, and I was, like, 12 years old or something. "

" To me, the most important thing is the script. I would never make a movie that I didn't write. I wouldn't know how to. "

" In any film business, if you're trying to get your next film made, you would never say, 'Oh, my last film was a cult film.' I'd say, 'Oh, great, well I hope this one isn't!' I always say to Johnny Knoxville, 'How do you do it? You sort of do the same thing we did, except you made millions, and I made hundreds.' "

" 'Hairspray' maybe did change people's minds, and that's how you get your political enemies to change their minds - by making them laugh and making them look at something in a way they haven't seen it. Not by preaching and cutting them off and being a separatist. "

" On airplanes, strangers confide in me the most deepest, darkest secrets. And I think they think I'll understand. And I generally do understand. "

" Science fiction is something I never understood. "

Science Fiction

" I always had a work ethic. And I think I very much got that from my father and my mother. "

" I think it would be fun to die onstage! Just drop dead in the middle of my show? That wouldn't be so bad. "

" I believe that both Obama and Trump would describe themselves as outsiders. "

" Without obsession, life is nothing. "

" The good guys in my movies mind their own business, and they don't judge other people. And the bad guys are jealous; they judge other people without knowing the whole story. They want all the attention, and they're mean spirited. "

" People looked at my early pictures and called them the most disgusting things ever, and now 'Hairspray' is being done at every school in Britain and America. "