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" My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous. "

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" My performance level has risen - and my anxiety-level has sky-rocketed. "

" My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association. "

" I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing. "

" My act is always a work in progress. I pray I have a bad day before a show. "

" I didn't ever feel close to my real family. I didn't feel validated; I never felt right because I was always wrong. "

" My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once. "

" Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call. "

" When I started out, I struggled, and I was broke a lot. But I'm glad I struggled, and I'm glad I was broke a lot. "

" There's a thin line between narcissism, even if it's a healthy narcissism, and entertainment. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" I'm psyched-up when I do radio. I can reach hundreds of thousands of people in a market. And way psyched-up when I'm on television. For people not to take it seriously is foolish. "

" I read somewhere that when I go on stage, people realize that they're not me and they feel better. When I walk off the stage, people know who I really am. I'm not saying it's great comedy, cool comedy or better comedy - but that's what I do, and I do it first for myself. "

" When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" If you want to devote yourself to the arts, you'd better do it strictly from passion, because there is zero guarantee that you'll get anywhere. The hardest thing is dealing with business people who have nothing to do with your art. They could care less that you're up at 4:30 in the morning writing a joke. Don't expect any sympathy from anybody. "