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" Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call. "

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" My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association. "

" I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous. "

" I didn't ever feel close to my real family. I didn't feel validated; I never felt right because I was always wrong. "

" I'm psyched-up when I do radio. I can reach hundreds of thousands of people in a market. And way psyched-up when I'm on television. For people not to take it seriously is foolish. "

" When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises. "

" I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing. "

" There's a thin line between narcissism, even if it's a healthy narcissism, and entertainment. "

" If you want to devote yourself to the arts, you'd better do it strictly from passion, because there is zero guarantee that you'll get anywhere. The hardest thing is dealing with business people who have nothing to do with your art. They could care less that you're up at 4:30 in the morning writing a joke. Don't expect any sympathy from anybody. "

" My act is always a work in progress. I pray I have a bad day before a show. "

" My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" When I started out, I struggled, and I was broke a lot. But I'm glad I struggled, and I'm glad I was broke a lot. "

" I read somewhere that when I go on stage, people realize that they're not me and they feel better. When I walk off the stage, people know who I really am. I'm not saying it's great comedy, cool comedy or better comedy - but that's what I do, and I do it first for myself. "