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" Sometimes I wake up, I feel like, I'm like 80-years-old. "

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" I quit high school the first day of 10th grade because I felt like I was wasting time. "

" When you're drunk, you always think you're not. If you even drink at all don't get behind the wheel. "

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" My uncle is so funny - Don Vito. He was always fat with the craziest voice. Dude, he barely speaks English; it's just full-blown jibber-jabber. It's so funny to watch on TV because you really need subtitles because you can't understand him. "

" It's kinda all about image. "

" I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day. "

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" I skate all the time, but it's silly for me to do contests when MTV is giving me a boatload of money. "

" The way that I look at it is that, when we film for eight months straight for a new 'Jackass' movie, I know that I'm going to wind up with at least two broken bones. I don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't contemplate how you're going to fall and what's going to happen. "

" One time my mom tried to ground me, but that lasted 15 minutes. "

" Sometimes when you're with somebody, and all their stuff is at your house, it's so hard to break up with them. You don't know what they're going to wreck and destroy. "

" I like geography. I could tell you the capital of any country you want. "

" Life's philosophy, hm... I just say, 'Do what you do and have fun doing it and try not to be too miserable.' "

" I'm on a lot of airplanes, so I just sip on red wine thinking of stupid ideas and, when I think of it, I wanna make it happen. "

" These trees and these old people have one thing in common, they're both going in the ground soon! "

" I'm a regular at a hospital in Pennsylvania. The Riddle Hospital in Media, Pennsylvania. "

" I've been doing pranks my whole life, so I guess I'm pretty good at it. "

" The neighbors could be as mad as they want, but I'm not running a business at the house. It's just a location. It will never get me out of here, because I don't have offices set up at my house, and that's what the township thinks. "

" Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there's plenty of ways to do that. "

" Actually, I've always wanted to be a professional skateboarder ever since I was about six. "

" It's definitely weird, because pretty much everybody owns the Tony Hawk videogame. Just going over to people's houses and watching play me as I walk in - that's actually happened a few times and that's so weird. It's like, 'Dude, you're playing me right now.' It was too weird. "