Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It's hideously bad. Truly rotten. "
Sloane Crosley
Wrote
Bad
Rotten
Related Quotes:
" There's an 'Everything must go!' emotional liquidation feel to the end of your twenties, isn't there? What will happen if we turn thirty and we're not 'ready?' You don't feel entirely settled in any aspect of your life, even if you are on paper. "
Sloane Crosley
Feel
You
Turn
" I would gladly have accepted a heaping spoonful of nepotism when I got out of college and was looking for a job. "
Sloane Crosley
Out
College
Got
" There's just no concept of layering a thick-sleeved sweater under a coat in L.A. A coat is more of a gesture than a necessity. You know, in case the temperature goes down to 55 degrees. "
Sloane Crosley
Down
More
Sweater
" Being a writer is an endless study in human transition and lessons learned or forgotten or misapplied. "
Sloane Crosley
Human
Transition
Forgotten
" When you spin a globe and point to a city and actually go to that city, you build an allowance of missed opportunities on the back end. "
Sloane Crosley
Go
End
You
" I now know my right from my left and my up from my down. Unluckily, my terrible sense of direction remains. For me, to live in New York City is to never be able to meet someone on the northeast corner. It is to never ever make a smooth entrance, always to get caught looking lost on the street. "
Sloane Crosley
Live
Looking
New York
" I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture. "
Sloane Crosley
Effort
Humor
Culture
" Yes. I am writing full-time. Which is strange. It feels like not having a job. "
Sloane Crosley
I Am
Yes
Writing
" Because I am a horrible flincher, contact lenses are not an option. I'm always envious of contact-wearers. There are endless reasons to take off one's glasses during the day and, as I have grown older, what I don't see has become increasingly pronounced. "
Sloane Crosley
See
Glasses
Always
" I use Ole Henriksen eye gel when I think of it, and go for facials when spa gift certificates appear as a professional thank-you or in a gift bag. Once ensconced in a facialist's chair, I let myself be coaxed into all sorts of treatments, because I'm there already, so why not? "
Sloane Crosley
Myself
Eye
Think
" For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or stressful enough to give you an ulcer. If they don't pop out perfect on the first try, they can be really hard to repair. Or, worse, if the author thinks they pop out perfect, but the publishing house does not agree, it's difficult to shift gears. And then? Then you go insane. "
Sloane Crosley
Enough
Experience
Me
" For me, nothing brings out my 'born yesterday' idiotic qualities quite like having my photograph taken. "
Sloane Crosley
Yesterday
Photograph
Nothing
" I think the rule of thumb should be this: if you preface a sentence about a friend with the phrase, 'I love X, but... ' more than once in any conversation, you should stop hanging out with them. "
Sloane Crosley
Love
Friend
Conversation
" There is no such thing as a crazy dog person in New York. Are there people who are completely insane about their dogs? Hordes. But cat people may as well have whiskers and tails themselves. That's because their pets' lack of social need taps straight into our worst fears as the human inhabitants of New York. "
Sloane Crosley
New York
Dog
Crazy
" When I was nine years old, I wrote a short story called 'How to Build a Snowman,' from which no practical snowperson-crafting techniques could be gleaned. The story was an assignment for class and it featured a series of careful but meaningless instructions. Of course, the building of the snowman was a red herring. "
Sloane Crosley
Red
Old
Story
" The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the same birthday. I prefer to think it's the glue-gun wielding, perfect-tart-producing Martha and not the copper pan-throwing, jail-going Martha. But I suppose if I am going to share a calendar square with some of Martha, I have to share it with all of Martha. "
Sloane Crosley
Queen
I Am
Think
" Picture it in your mind's nostril: you get in a cab in time to catch twin thugs named Vomit and Cologne assaulting a defenseless pine-tree air freshener. "
Sloane Crosley
Time
Your
Air
" For the average person, taken to their sick bed, it takes a serious bout of pneumonia or a full body cast to completely forget the life they had prior to falling off the rollercoaster. I, however, will do this over a paper cut on my thumb, obsessing of said cut and being generally consumed by it. "
Sloane Crosley
Falling
Life
Said
" Unless you are a professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry. "
Sloane Crosley
Professional
Will
You
" As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Will
Tell
" I can't see the forest through the trees, except the trees are people. "
Sloane Crosley
People
Forest
See
" Like most citizens of popular and international urban centres, I don't take advantage of the cultural opportunities. Perhaps this comes from growing up in suburbia. Home is where you eat, sleep, read, watch television and ignore your parents. It is not where you go to the ballet and then attend a heated panel discussion about it afterwards. "
Sloane Crosley
Ignore
Growing Up
Sleep
" The trick to scrambled eggs is to remove half the milk from the container and shake what's left as hard as you can, like a cocktail shaker, before you whisk it into the eggs. "
Sloane Crosley
Cocktail
You
Milk
" The hardest thing is spending twelve hours a day accommodating the rest of the world, then going home at night and criticizing it. I would be curious about what I'd write if I didn't have to worry about offending. "
Sloane Crosley
Going Home
Day
Home
" Everything in New York seems to merit preserving. If it's not historical, it's personal. If it's not personal, it's cultural. But you can't. You can't save everything. You just have to pack it up in your brain and take it with you when you go. "
Sloane Crosley
Go
New
New York
" As we grow up, it feels like you should either invite people into your life or not. There should be fewer and fewer instances of friends you 'can only take in small doses.' "
Sloane Crosley
You
Friends
Grow
" Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed. "
Sloane Crosley
New York
Golf
Girl
" In general, I prefer to record all traumas and save them for later, playing them over and over so they can haunt me for a disproportionate number of weeks to come. It's very healthy. "
Sloane Crosley
Number
Save
Playing
" In New York and L.A., there is sort of that silent competition to be on the cutting edge of something. You end up having a conversation with how the world receives your work, especially if you are writing narrative, not fiction. Sometimes it is an awkward conversation. It's like group therapy. "
Sloane Crosley
Work
Writing
Competition
" Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure. "
Sloane Crosley
Myself
Death
Dancing