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" There is something about a phony that creeps me out so much. "

Jennifer Coolidge

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" I was the cocktail waitress, and Sandra Bullock was the host, and this guy came in and persuaded me to try improv with Gotham City Improv. "

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" Cate Blanchett and others, they get this broad range of all these cool people they can play. Some women really do get it all. For me, it is the same thing that happens over and over. I should change that and maybe write my own thing. "

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" I live in New Orleans part of the year, and it's a really fun eating town. I bought two homes there, one to live in and one as an investment. They love to eat, drink and dress up in costumes. There are so many reasons to dress up - Mardi Gras, Halloween, Southern Decadence. "

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" I was thinking, 'If I go bald, I might do something like Bret Michaels and have it all attached to a handkerchief.' "

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" With Christopher Guest films, we have a lot of say. "

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" When I walk into a video arcade filled with 16- or 17-year-old boys, I may as well be Marilyn Monroe. "

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" The best thing about animated-feature people is that they are very laid-back people. You feel like you're showing up for a backyard barbecue. "

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" Short of spending $10,000, there is nothing you can do to your head to hide the fact that you're going bald. "

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" When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one. "

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" I do love to gamble; I hate to admit it. "

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" I have been able to sniff out a phony. "

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" Keri Russell is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen in my life. She's one of those girls that doesn't have that thing when you walk into the trailer in the morning, and your face is all bashed in - like a lot of actors, even the beautiful and handsome ones. "

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" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

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" I always date younger men. For some reason that's just the way it's gone, because younger guys have always asked me out and I accept. "

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" People have this view, 'Oh, you're in movies, your life is so glamorous' but it can really suck. "

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" There's something about me that suggests I don't have an intelligent atom in me at all. So people say things to me that they wouldn't say to other people. Insulting, condescending things. They don't think I notice. But, of course, I'm taking it all in. "

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" As young, hot actors living in Hollywood, you get even more attractive. "

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" I wasn't very good in my serious acting class. Sometimes people took our class so seriously, so I used to, sort of, make fun of people after class. And so a friend of mine said, 'Why don't you do the comedy thing.' That's how it all worked out. "

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" No one purposefully paints a bad painting. It's someone who's trying to do a good painting, but it's terrible. I have one with a matador, and the bull is going through the blanket. You can tell the painter didn't know how to paint it. "

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" Hair extensions and wigs are not the same thing. Wigs are for old ladies and drag queens. Extensions are for women who want longer hair. To be safe, never bring it up if you think a woman is wearing either. No good comes of it. "

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" It seems almost impossible to me that the whole world doesn't know CPR. "

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" I always remember this neighbor who would ask me to babysit for her. She looked like Jayne Mansfield, and I remember babysitting for, like, five hours and she would pay me 80 cents, with a phony smile. I used to go home fuming to my mum. "

Jennifer Coolidge