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" When I drive to work, I listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume, even though the lyrics are degrading to women and offend me to my core. I am mortified by my music choices. "
Roxane Gay
Choices
Work
Women
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" The expansive anarchy of the Internet continues to lull us into believing that, because we can see something, that something should be seen. Because we can say something, there is something that must be said. "
Roxane Gay
Anarchy
See
Said
" I am 39. I am single. I am a black woman. I have too many advanced degrees. Many a news story tells me finding true love is likely a hopeless proposition. Now is the time when I need to believe in fairy tales. "
Roxane Gay
Love Is
Woman
True Love
" I'm sick of hearing, thinking and talking about Woody Allen. Nonetheless, the allegations against him continue to capture our national attention because so much of the story is strange and sordid. "
Roxane Gay
Sick
Attention
Thinking
" The first amendment makes it clear that we are free to practice religion without government interference. The Constitution also establishes the separation of church and state so that the laws we live by our never guided by religious zeal. "
Roxane Gay
Government
Practice
Live
" I think it was really entering my 30s that I began to embrace feminism and call myself a feminist. "
Roxane Gay
Myself
Call
Embrace
" We have cellphones and smartphones and iDevices and laptops and the ability to be perpetually connected. We never have to miss anything, significant or insignificant. "
Roxane Gay
Never
Ability
Anything
" I support anything that broadens the message of gender equality and tempers the stigma of the feminist label. We run into trouble, though, when we celebrate celebrity feminism while avoiding the actual work of feminism. "
Roxane Gay
Celebrate
Work
Support
" As I started to think about how I can claim feminism while also acknowledging my humanity and my imperfections, 'bad feminism' simply seemed like the best answer. "
Roxane Gay
Bad
Best
Humanity
" Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy. "
Roxane Gay
Happy
Best
Be Happy
" Most of the serious disagreement I get comes through email or social media, where people are more comfortable. "
Roxane Gay
People
Social Media
Serious
" For celebrities, privacy is utterly nonexistent. You are asked intrusive questions about your personal life. You can be photographed at any moment. "
Roxane Gay
Life
You
Questions
" In truth, I don't care about making feminism more accessible to anyone. "
Roxane Gay
Truth
Accessible
Feminism
" Definitely, there is a sense in my writing that people now know me in a personal way. And to an extent, that's true because I write about very personal things, and I use the personal often to contextualize some of these sociopolitical issues that we're dealing with. And to an extent, they're right. They know something about me. "
Roxane Gay
Know
Way
Writing
" I have known beaches, but I have no particular fondness for them. I don't like sand in my crevices. I don't like sand at all. I don't enjoy all that sunshine and heat without the benefit of climate control. "
Roxane Gay
Control
Heat
Sand
" I read too many romance novels during my formative years. I have a penchant for romantic comedies. I understand why 'Romeo and Juliet' came to such a pass. "
Roxane Gay
Romantic
Romance
Pass
" That's what is always fascinating about racism - how it is allowed, if not encouraged, to flourish freely in public spaces, the way racism and bigotry are so often unquestioned. "
Roxane Gay
Always
Way
Racism
" I try to understand faith and religion. I was raised by wonderful Catholic parents who were deeply faithful and taught us that God is a God of love. "
Roxane Gay
Try
Religion
Parents
" It would be easy to assume that the open letter is a symptom of the Internet age. Such is not the case. In 1774, Benjamin Franklin wrote an open letter to the prime minister of Great Britain, Lord North - a satirical call for the imposition of martial law in the colonies. "
Roxane Gay
Easy
Great
Internet
" We were the only black family in my neighborhood for many years. Wherever we lived, we were often the only black family, and certainly the only Haitian family. But my parents were really great at providing a loving home where we could feel safe and secure. "
Roxane Gay
Parents
Black
Great
" A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology. "
Roxane Gay
Relationships
Reading
Curious
" I have never dreamed of being a princess. I have not longed for Prince Charming. I have and do long for something resembling a happily ever after. I am supposed to be above such flights of fantasy, but I am not. I am enamored of fairy tales. "
Roxane Gay
Fantasy
I Am
Princess
" We have to believe that we can hold different points of view without labeling each other bad feminists. "
Roxane Gay
Different
Believe
View
" Public intellectuals are often put in the position of having their words, no matter how off-the-cuff, treated as doctrine. "
Roxane Gay
Public
Position
Words
" In Haiti, beach bodies are simply bodies, and beach reads are simply books, because the beach is all around you. "
Roxane Gay
Reads
Haiti
Books
" What worries me is that 'post-racial' America is not that different from the Americas that have preceded us, and it might not ever be. "
Roxane Gay
Ever
Me
Might
" If a woman wants to take her husband's name, that's her choice, and I still think she can be feminist while doing that. "
Roxane Gay
Husband
Think
Woman
" I think Lena Dunham is a very bright and very interesting writer, and what she's accomplished at such a young age absolutely impresses me. "
Roxane Gay
She
Age
Interesting
" There are all kinds of people who continue to be largely ignored by advertisers, whose lives largely go unseen. They deserve their moment. "
Roxane Gay
Whose
People
Deserve
" It's so hard to write about countries like Haiti because there's truths behind the misperceptions people have. But there's so much more. There are multiple truths. "
Roxane Gay
Hard
Like
People
" We bear witness to the worst of human brutality, retweet what we have witnessed, and then we move on to the next atrocity. There is always more atrocity. "
Roxane Gay
Worst
Move On
Human