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" When I tweet, I try and accomplish three things. One, is to make you laugh. Two, is to inform you. Three, is to enlighten you. That's all I do. "

Shaquille O'Neal

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" But that is the only thing that slows me down is the system. No one, two or three was big enough to slow me down, only the system. It was the system that slowed me down to make my numbers fall. Not because I am older. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" My father made me who I am. He gave me a basketball and told me to play with the ball, sleep with the ball, dream with the ball. Just don't take it to school. I used it as a pillow, and it never gave me a stiff neck. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I don't get nervous in any situation. There's no such thing as nerves when you're playing games. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Someday I might have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I am the number one Ninja and I have killed all the Shoguns in front of me. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I'm on a mission. And I know the older I get, I may lose a step or two, but it's all up in the medulla oblongata. I've got a lot up there. I've got a lot of knowledge... in this medulla oblongata. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I do what I do. Always. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Me shooting 40% at the foul line is just God's way to say nobody's perfect. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" As a youngster, my mother and father always drilled into my head having something to fall back on. My father was kind of funny. I'd score 40 points. I'd come home and say, 'Look dad, I scored 40.' He'd never have a smile on his face. He'd be like, 'I saw that move you did. What if you'd hurt your knee?' "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Challenge me. Treat me like a game of checkers and play me. That's all I'm asking, just play me. Treat me like Sega and play me. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" If you got the game, you got the game. That's why Tiger Woods is out there playing golf with Greg Norman. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I don't know anything about cars. I can promise you that. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I started out as a young Ninja and killed all of the Shoguns. I am a Shogun now and I'm holding my spot. There probably won't be another Shogun after this. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds and then we're planning for the parade. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Donald Trump is a great friend, and he has four or five Picassos on his plane. And that's where I would look at them. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" The best quality about Kobe Bryant? You want me to be honest? I don't know. I'll tell you why. I open my arms to everybody. But he never stepped forward for the embrace. So I never really got to know him. I don't know anything about him, and it's kinda sad. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I'm a weird big guy. Doing rapping, doing movies. Do a lot of stuff. But always do things the right way. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I don't believe that I personally have been changed by the money. The bad thing is people assume you've changed because now you have money. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I knew I was dog meat. Luckily, I'm the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I'm the good-quality dog meat. I'm the Alpo of the NBA. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I've always been a leader. Every team I've played on, I've led my way. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Nobody's going to tell me how to be different, so stop asking me. Stop asking me what two-plus-two is. Everybody knows two-plus-two is five. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Everything happens for a reason. I'm used to it, I prepare for it. Like I say, at the end of the day, those in charge of their own destiny are going to do what's right for them and their family. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I'm like tax. You're going to pay one way or the other. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" But, hey I did everything the right way and earned my spot in this game, nothing was given to me. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I average 25 with three guys on me and they are just looking at stats I guess. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" We live in an impatient world. Everybody is always looking for the next big Kobe, the next big LeBron, the next big Twitter. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" When you flop, that's just another message that you don't know how to play me. Stand up and take your medicine like a man. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Being here feels like I'm out of prison. This is the right place, the right time, the right team. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" When I get old, I'm going to the old folks' home. I don't want to be one of those guys who's hanging around the house bothering the kids. But not just any old folks' home. I want the whole top floor. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I just want to keep people entertained. "

Shaquille O'Neal