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" You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners. "

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" If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle. "

" About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all. "

" I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can. "

" I believe in a lively disrespect for most forms of authority. "

" The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself. "

" All creatures tread across the rubble of ruined civilizations. The trick is to keep moving. No animal ever goes about dispensing shallow compassion. "

" No animal on the face of the earth could conceive of taxation. You and I work roughly six months a year to pay our local, state and federal taxes. If nothing else, this should convince you that animals are smarter than people. "

" Every action is either strong or weak, and when every action is strong we are successful. "

" There are very few people who are creative and imaginative. Therefore, fiction is difficult for people to embrace. "

" I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull. "

" I've met many irresponsible people in my life but never an irresponsible cat. "

" A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction. "

" Hollywood called just as I crested thirty. My novels did not and still do not interest them, but my writing ability did. "

" As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting and realize I'm the only one in the room with balls. "

" If you don't like my book, write your own. If you don't think you can write a novel, that ought to tell you something. If you think you can, do. No excuses. If you still don't like my novels, find a book you do like. "

" There hasn't been a day in my life since I started Latin in ninth grade that I haven't benefited by the lives of the ancients. "

" Normal is the average of deviance. "

" Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work. "

" Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. "

" Language exerts hidden power, like the moon on the tides. "

" While cats can be infuriating, little old women in fur coats, they make me laugh. Of course, dogs, horses and my highly social chickens are dear to me, too. "

" A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all. "

" Art is moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television. "

" Humor comes from self-confidence. "

Self-Confidence

" Life is too short to be miserable. "

Life Is Too Short

" Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. "

" I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off. "

" Cats and dogs believe politicians are like cemetery caregivers; they are on top of everyone, but nobody listens. "

" Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. "