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All Quotes by author - Alexei Sayle

" Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git. "

" As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death. "

" Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git. "

" Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own. "

" I am quite girly. "

" If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres. "

" If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't. "

" If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.' "

" I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff. "

" I like the south of Spain, notably for the Moorish influence and the weather. "

" I'm an intellectual. "

" I'm distinct, really. "

" I'm still fiercely ambitious. "

" I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion. "

" It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political. "

" I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that. "

" I wanted to write about how people's beliefs shift. "

" I would say I was still a Marxist - which is not to be confused with being a Communist. Despite its flaws, Marxism still seems to explain the material world better than anything else. "

" Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way. "

" Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you. "

" People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. "

" People aren't universally heroic. "

" People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre. "

" Recently, my personal advisors have been telling me to go to America. Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it? "

" The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away. "

" You can't do comedy with a beard. "

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