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" Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way. "

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" I'm an intellectual. "

" I would say I was still a Marxist - which is not to be confused with being a Communist. Despite its flaws, Marxism still seems to explain the material world better than anything else. "

" Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git. "

" Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you. "

" Recently, my personal advisors have been telling me to go to America. Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it? "

" People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre. "

" If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.' "

" People aren't universally heroic. "

" I'm distinct, really. "

" Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own. "

" If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres. "

" It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political. "

" I wanted to write about how people's beliefs shift. "

" I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that. "

" The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away. "

" I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion. "

" As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death. "

" I'm still fiercely ambitious. "

" I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff. "

" If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't. "

" I like the south of Spain, notably for the Moorish influence and the weather. "

" I am quite girly. "

" You can't do comedy with a beard. "

" Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git. "