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All Quotes by author - Joe E. Lewis
" Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people. "
Right Time
Saying
Time
" A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on. "
Man
Without
Never
" I always wake up at the crack of ice. "
Wake
Wake Up
Ice
" I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. "
Go
Drink
Funny
" I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin. "
Next
Than
More
" I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves. "
Actually
Nerves
Like
" I drink to forget I drink. "
Forget
Drink
" If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor. "
Want
Friend
Him
" I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them. "
Still
Chasing
Remember
" I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. "
Play
Low
Hotter
" It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money. "
Matter
You
Money
" I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. "
Know
Diet
Me
" It pays to get drunk with the best people. "
People
Pays
Get
" I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points. "
Around
Streak
Losing
" I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise. "
Take
Bomb
Noise
" Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest. "
You
Me
Pest
" Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on. "
Me
Man
Feet
" Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum. "
Me
Man
Will
" There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty. "
One Thing
Buy
Poverty
" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "
Funny
Taxes
Way
" They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses. "
Day
Need
Glasses
" We can afford almost any mistake once. "
Afford
Once
Mistake
" Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty. "
Want
Say
Dirty
" You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough. "
Work
Only
Enough
" You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough. "
You
Enough
Live
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