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" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "

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" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' "

Richard Branson

" Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. "

" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "

" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "

" Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too. "

Donella Meadows

" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "

" I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. "

Charles M. Schulz

" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "

" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern. "

" How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. "

" There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" There is nothing funny about a well-adjusted, intelligent person making the right choices. "

" The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better. "

" I own and operate a ferocious ego. "

" A cultural thing that is funny to me is that every time I go out in D.C. after a show, all the nightclubs and restaurants are owned by Iranians and Afghans. It's funny to me how we lost our countries but we gained the nightlife. "

" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "

" Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot. "

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. "

" That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. "

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "

Danielle Schneider

" Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. "

" Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and funny hairstyles. "

" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "