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" As a kid, I grew to define what I didn't want my life to be like by sitting behind moaning women on the bus, hearing them bang on about their aches and pains, both real and imagined. "
Julie Burchill
My Life
Kid
Life
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" One of the few ways in which I feel I've actually matured is that as I've grown older I do find the concept of 'men' mystifying, whereas when I was a feisty young thing I was forever saying 'The most fun part of being a feminist is frightening men!' "
Julie Burchill
Saying
Young
Fun
" Families, generally, suck. And I say that as someone who, like my husband, had parents who proved the proverbial exception to the rule. "
Julie Burchill
Someone
Like
Say
" I didn't cry when I left free-booting, smash-and-grab papers that would have appeared to be far more natural homes for me and, at the risk of being vulgar, paid far better for my services. "
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Better
Cry
More
" I have experienced jealousy, possessiveness, verbal abuse and violence from men, but I have also experienced jealousy, possessiveness, verbal abuse and violence from women, usually when I failed to respond to their advances. "
Julie Burchill
Violence
Women
Jealousy
" From paying off friends' tax bills to rescuing stray dogs and stuffing £20 notes into the hands of homeless people, I can't get rid of my money fast enough. "
Julie Burchill
People
Money
Homeless
" People - and I include myself - get fat because they choose pleasure over self-denial. "
Julie Burchill
People
Pleasure
Fat
" I'll declare my own interest right here at the start and admit that, like the vast majority of people, I find youthful looks appealing. "
Julie Burchill
Admit
Start
People
" 'Stress' was the catch-all every pamper-pedlar I spoke to used to explain why healthy women feel the need to be regularly patted, petted and preened into a state of babyish beatification. "
Julie Burchill
Feel
Healthy
Need
" The latest twist on the pampering concept is spa parties, where a group of friends take over an entire spa. "
Julie Burchill
Take
Where
Twist
" We are used to female writers who use their private lives as unmitigated material being somewhat hormonal; this somehow 'excuses' what might be seen as a highly unfeminine ability to turn their personal upsets into money. "
Julie Burchill
Money
Excuses
Ability
" Covering up, so far as I can see, is often the accompaniment to far more truly shameful behaviour than stripping off. "
Julie Burchill
More
Far
Up
" These women whose antics we smirk at good-naturedly in the pap-traps put themselves out there at least partly on their beauty; they are in showbiz, and showing what they've got is part of their business as much as it is for male show-ponies from the Chippendales to George Clooney. "
Julie Burchill
Beauty
Business
Women
" Most women are wise to the fact that lots of men love a cat-fight, and thus go out of their way not to give them one. "
Julie Burchill
Wise
Go
Love
" As a militant troublemaker, I once wrote that it was the duty of every woman worthy of the description to upset men at least three times a day, on principle. "
Julie Burchill
Men
Day
Woman
" No one knows 'men' as such, any more than anyone knows 'women,' and if they do generalise they're probably trying to hide their own ignorance. You might know one 'man,' yes, or even lots of individual 'men'. "
Julie Burchill
Women
You
Man
" Lots of women love to accuse men of being immature when the fellow in question displays a reluctance to 'commit.' "
Julie Burchill
Love
Question
Men
" I believe, literally, in the God of the Old Testament, whom I understand as the Lord of the Jews and the Protestants. I'm a Christian Zionist, as well as a Christian feminist and a Christian socialist. "
Julie Burchill
Christian
I Believe
Old
" The allegedly 'classy' magazines often seem to be in an endless, undeclared competition to see who can climb furthest up the fundament of Gwyneth Paltrow or Jennifer Lopez. "
Julie Burchill
Competition
See
Up
" Whenever I am sent a new book on the lively arts, the first thing I do is look for myself in the index. "
Julie Burchill
New
Myself
I Am
" My dad didn't drive - the only dad I knew who didn't. "
Julie Burchill
Who
Knew
Drive
" A good part - and definitely the most fun part - of being a feminist is about frightening men. "
Julie Burchill
Feminist
Fun
Most
" It must be said that Brighton, unlike London, makes driving seem very appealing. Instead of glowering faces and angry horns on all sides, we have the coast road in front of us and the Sussex Downs just 10 minutes behind us. "
Julie Burchill
Said
Road
London
" My second husband believed I had such a fickle attitude to friendship that each Friday he would update the list of my 'Top Ten' friends in the manner of a Top Of The Pops chart countdown. "
Julie Burchill
Attitude
Friendship
Friends
" Is the raggle-taggle Brangelina tribe any more bogus than that of the landlocked yummy mummy who believes that she can drop half a dozen brats and still keep a modest carbon footprint? I don't think so. "
Julie Burchill
Tribe
Think
She
" Sadly, a lot of what passes for feminism these days is just moaning about men, congratulating ourselves on nothing in particular, and mocking them for being big kids while doing everything we can to keep them that way. "
Julie Burchill
Men
Doing
Feminism
" As a precocious teen I dreamed of being Graham Greene. Well, as it turned out, I never wrote a great novel, sadly, and I never converted to Catholicism, happily, but I did do one thing he did. That is, in middle age I moved to a seaside town and got into a right barney with the local powers-that-be. "
Julie Burchill
Never
Age
Got
" I am not one of those fat birds who feels miserable because models are thin. Frankly, I feel more insulted by the idea that unless I see other fat birds in fashion magazines, I will be reduced to a sniveling wreck of a human being. "
Julie Burchill
See
Fashion
Fat
" Nicole Kidman in particular seems to bring out the butt-kisser in the sassiest of hackettes, as they ceaselessly strive to portray her as some sort of cross between Mother Teresa and Marilyn Monroe. "
Julie Burchill
Bring
Her
Mother
" It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast. "
Julie Burchill
Face
Said
Pretty Face
" Amsterdam has more than 150 canals and 1,250 bridges, but it never seems crowded, nor bent and bitter from fleecing the tourist. "
Julie Burchill
Bridges
Tourist
Never