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" The allegedly 'classy' magazines often seem to be in an endless, undeclared competition to see who can climb furthest up the fundament of Gwyneth Paltrow or Jennifer Lopez. "
Julie Burchill
Competition
See
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" When I moved out of London 13 years ago, I found a whole other reason not to drive. This was because my new husband Dan, unlike my dad, did drive, and this became a great source of fun and adventure. "
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" Blakes Hotel in South Kensington was a particular favourite of mine during what I affectionately think of as my Restless Years. "
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" I'll declare my own interest right here at the start and admit that, like the vast majority of people, I find youthful looks appealing. "
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" I have experienced jealousy, possessiveness, verbal abuse and violence from men, but I have also experienced jealousy, possessiveness, verbal abuse and violence from women, usually when I failed to respond to their advances. "
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" People often yearn back to more innocent times, but more and more, as I get older, I find myself hankering after more jaded days. "
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" People - and I include myself - get fat because they choose pleasure over self-denial. "
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" I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful. "
Julie Burchill
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" One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and 'doing a show.' "
Julie Burchill
Tradition
Doing
Christmas
" Knowing that the 'Sex and the City' chicks now rack up almost two centuries between them, why do some of us fuss and hiss about a bit of retouching on their forthcoming film poster? "
Julie Burchill
City
Why
Sex
" What men don't want, in fact what anyone who's any sort of thrill-seeking, intelligent adult doesn't want, is some crushing bore describing their emotions in real time every waking hour. "
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Emotions
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Time
" It may be a cliche, but it's true - the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself. "
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Much
True
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" What sort of sap doesn't know by now that picture-perfect beauty is all done with smoke and mirrors anyway? "
Julie Burchill
Now
Smoke
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" As a kid, I grew to define what I didn't want my life to be like by sitting behind moaning women on the bus, hearing them bang on about their aches and pains, both real and imagined. "
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My Life
Kid
Life
" Fact is, famous people say fame stinks because they love it so - like a secret restaurant or holiday island they don't want the hoi polloi to get their grubby paws on. "
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Famous
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" When I started at the 'Guardian,' though, I couldn't think of anything we saw eye to eye on, except feminism, and even this would soon be arguable as 'Guardian' writers queued up to drool over Eminem. "
Julie Burchill
Up
Eye
Feminism
" As a militant troublemaker, I once wrote that it was the duty of every woman worthy of the description to upset men at least three times a day, on principle. "
Julie Burchill
Men
Day
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" Because I was an only, I had more things, and I remember early on the kick I got from giving stuff away. Despite all the myths about only children not being able to share, actually I've never knowingly met a stingy one. "
Julie Burchill
Never
Remember
Giving
" As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women. "
Julie Burchill
Ideas
World
Women
" I know that Brighton is famously a mixture of the seedy and the elegant, but in the summer of 2001 seediness swamped elegance hands down. "
Julie Burchill
Down
Elegance
Summer
" I didn't cry when I left free-booting, smash-and-grab papers that would have appeared to be far more natural homes for me and, at the risk of being vulgar, paid far better for my services. "
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Better
Cry
More
" Rachel Cusk's books are like pop-up volumes for grown-ups, the prose springing out of the page to bop you neatly between the eyes with its insights. "
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Out
Eyes
Books
" My dad didn't drive - the only dad I knew who didn't. "
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Who
Knew
Drive
" In my third husband I had discovered a blissfully laid-back type who thought it nothing less than hilarious when I misread the map on the way to Wales, so it took us an extra three hours, or when I was sick in a plastic carrier bag during much of the drive back from Devon - a bag that turned out to have a hole in it. "
Julie Burchill
Thought
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" Nicole Kidman in particular seems to bring out the butt-kisser in the sassiest of hackettes, as they ceaselessly strive to portray her as some sort of cross between Mother Teresa and Marilyn Monroe. "
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Bring
Her
Mother
" There's something brave and touching about game girls of all ages keeping themselves smart in hard times - one thinks of those wonderful women during World War II drawing stocking seams in eyebrow pencil up the back of legs stained with gravy browning because nylons were so hard to get hold of. "
Julie Burchill
Women
Brave
Game
" And call me a pig, but isn't it brilliantly refreshing how early the Dutch eat dinner? When they're still laying out the cutlery in achingly hip Barcelona, they're hanging the Closed sign on the restaurant doors of old Amsterdam. "
Julie Burchill
Early
Restaurant
Dinner
" As a precocious teen I dreamed of being Graham Greene. Well, as it turned out, I never wrote a great novel, sadly, and I never converted to Catholicism, happily, but I did do one thing he did. That is, in middle age I moved to a seaside town and got into a right barney with the local powers-that-be. "
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Never
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" What I find most upsetting about this new all-consuming beauty culture is that the obsession with good looks, and how you can supposedly attain them, is almost entirely female-driven. "
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Find
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" I've always thought of beauty therapy, 'alternative' treatments and the like as the female equivalent of brothels - for essentially self-deceiving people who feel a bit hollow and have to pay to be touched. "
Julie Burchill
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" No matter how old and glorious the models, sad indeed is the woman who sees fashion as a means of self-expression rather than an agent of social control. "
Julie Burchill
Control
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