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" Back off or the lizard gets it! "

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" I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do. "

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" I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States. "

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" I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe. "

" That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy. "

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" The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'. "

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" Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana. "

" If I were like your mother, I would be a woman. "

" What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess. "

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" I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around. "

" If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian. "

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" Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it. "

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