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" If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian. "
Ryan Stiles
Sensation
Would
You
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" If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife. "
Ryan Stiles
Woman
Wife
Were
" I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around. "
Ryan Stiles
Know
Car
Road
" You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards. "
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Know
You
Myself
" Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it. "
Ryan Stiles
Balls
Show
Got
" If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me. "
Ryan Stiles
Who
Were
Tall
" When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda. "
Ryan Stiles
May
Making
Love
" What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess. "
Ryan Stiles
Sit
Room
Plans
" If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish! "
Ryan Stiles
Were
Would
Man
" If I were like your mother, I would be a woman. "
Ryan Stiles
Mother
Like
Your
" The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'. "
Ryan Stiles
Fool
Living
Tap
" That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy. "
Ryan Stiles
Raw
Never
Worms
" I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe. "
Ryan Stiles
Green
Home
Some
" On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff. "
Ryan Stiles
Tired
Hats
Games
" I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now. "
Ryan Stiles
Sports
Know
High School
" Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana. "
Ryan Stiles
Never
Me
Interrupt
" I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada. "
Ryan Stiles
Know
You
Like
" I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do. "
Ryan Stiles
Information
Listen
Saying
" I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States. "
Ryan Stiles
United States
President
Personalities
" I did standup for a lot of years, too, but when you come out as a standup, you get the feeling from a crowd - it's a kind of a 'make me laugh' attitude. But when you come out as an improvisor, they realize that they're suggesting everything you do. So they're already invested in the scene, and they actually want it to work. "
Ryan Stiles
Attitude
Laugh
You
" Never trust sheep. "
Ryan Stiles
Trust
Sheep
Never
" I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982. "
Ryan Stiles
Great
Remember
Accident
" The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue. "
Ryan Stiles
Door
Beyond
Sky
" Back off or the lizard gets it! "
Ryan Stiles
Off
Back
Lizard