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" I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around. "

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" What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess. "

" The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'. "

" You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards. "

" That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy. "

" If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish! "

" If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me. "

" I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe. "

" When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda. "

" I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada. "

" On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff. "

" If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian. "

" I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now. "

" If I were like your mother, I would be a woman. "

" I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do. "

" I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982. "

" The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue. "

" If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife. "

" I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States. "

" Back off or the lizard gets it! "

" Never trust sheep. "

" Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana. "

" Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it. "

" I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny. "