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" Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place. "
Craig Kilborn
Always
Dark
Place
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" I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 - the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos. "
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" Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down. "
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" CBS was very generous in their offer to re-sign me. But I simply want to try something new. "
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" My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.' "
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" Broadcasting was something, I don't want to say it came easy, but it's something I'm comfortable doing. "
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Comfortable
Want
" Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.' "
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White
House
Democrats
" As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription. "
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Budget
Congress
Fighting
" I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California. "
Craig Kilborn
California
Doing
People
" I'm going to miss my best friends - my cameras. "
Craig Kilborn
Cameras
Friends
Best
" John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?' "
Craig Kilborn
Officially
Said
You
" I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed. "
Craig Kilborn
Mankind
Needy
Sensitive
" I'm from the Midwest. "
Craig Kilborn
Midwest
" I enjoyed retirement the right way... linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese. "
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Way
Retirement
Red
" Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch. "
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Habit
Night
She
" I learned at an early age that using the third person will push some buttons. "
Craig Kilborn
Age
Person
Early
" I have a wonderful respect for old people. "
Craig Kilborn
Wonderful
Respect
Old People
" The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.' "
Craig Kilborn
People
Big
California
" People who go into show business are screwed up. "
Craig Kilborn
Go
Business
Show
" I think that you're always going to have some people who are negative or view you in a certain way. "
Craig Kilborn
You
View
Think
" A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone. "
Craig Kilborn
Phone
Students
College
" I don't complain. "
Craig Kilborn
Complain
" I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle. "
Craig Kilborn
Studio
Apartment
Lived
" I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population. "
Craig Kilborn
Fragile
May
Well
" It's fun being creative and that's satisfying. "
Craig Kilborn
Creative
Fun
Satisfying
" However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be. "
Craig Kilborn
Humor
However
Funny
" The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on. "
Craig Kilborn
Places
In The Past
Past
" New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut. "
Craig Kilborn
Now
Planning
Castle
" People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife. "
Craig Kilborn
Relationship
Sex
Wife
" In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series. "
Craig Kilborn
Red Sox
Red
Human
" I thought late-night was crowded... the format's repetitive. "
Craig Kilborn
Repetitive
Late-Night
Thought