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" Culture exists and evolves to relegate to habit categories of interactions the constant conscious reference to which would make human interaction impossible. "

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" Listen, here's the thing about an English degree - if you sat somebody down and asked them to make a list of the writers they admire over the last hundred years, see how many of them got a degree in English. "

" There is a profound and ineradicable taint of antisemitism in the British. "

" I hate vacations. There's nothing to do. "

" If you're writing an opinion piece, it's your job to write your opinion. If, on the other hand, you wrote a novel, as Virginia Woolf tells us, it would be inappropriate if you let your novel be influenced by your political opinions. "

" I've always been fascinated by the picaresque. "

" Every reiteration of the idea that nothing matters debases the human spirit. "

" I love all insider memoirs. It doesn't matter whether it's truck-drivers or doctors. I think everybody likes to go backstage, find out what people think and what they talk about and what specialised job they have. "

" People only speak to get something. "

" The main question in drama, the way I was taught, is always, 'What does the protagonist want?' That's what drama is. It comes down to that. It's not about theme, it's not about ideas, it's not about setting, but what the protagonist wants. "

" In practice we, in the world, must do business with each other. "

" The so-called assault weapons ban is a hoax. It is a political appeal to the ignorant. The guns it supposedly banned have been illegal for 78 years. Did the ban make them 'more' illegal? The ban addresses only the appearance of weapons, not their operation. "

" Conservatives believe in smaller government and in the power of the electorate. So I think that we're less likely to try to use a dramatic forum to warp people's political views. "

" When the three branches of government have failed to represent the citizenry and the mass of the media has failed to represent the citizenry, then the citizenry better represent the citizenry. "

" My greatest fear is that the audience will beat me to the punch line. "

" It's upsetting to be a man in our society. "

" There's nothing in the world more silent than the telephone the morning after everybody pans your play. It won't ring from room service; your mother won't be calling you. If the phone has not rung by 8 in the morning, you're dead. "

" I don't think there's any information to be gotten from television. "

" Mixed martial arts was invented by Brazilians, whose families had been trained by the Japanese. Those Brazilians came to the U.S., where their invention was bought out, gussied up and presented to the world, which found it good. "

" My dad was an immigrant kid and a Democrat and a Jew, and we didn't know any Republicans in our group. So I grew up Democratic. My dad was a labor lawyer - a very hardworking guy, a one-horse labor lawyer - and then I went to hippie college and lived in the bubble. "

" Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance. "

" I understand that computers, which I once believed to be but a hermaphrodite typewriter-cum-filing cabinet, offer the cyber literate increased ability to communicate. I do not think this is altogether a bad thing, however it may appear on the surface. "

" People ask me, 'What do you do?' And I tell them I'm a writer, but always with the silent reservation, 'I am, of course, not really a writer. Hemingway was a writer.' "

" I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer. "

" Roll back the clock, and every possession of every great country started with a crime. "

" I used to think I'd like to be a fireman - in fact, I still would - and the only drawback I could see was coming back to the firehouse, after a day of fighting fires, and still having to put in an eight-hour day writing. "

" I hate the computer. I hate their spell-check. I won't ever do e-mail. "

" In a world we find terrifying, we ratify that which doesn't threaten us. "

" It's only words... unless they're true. "

" President Obama seems to understand the Constitution as a 'set of suggestions.' "

" It's hard to write a good plot, it's very hard. "