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" Everyone is such a mystery, yet we chug along so much of the time presuming we're all on the same page. "

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" Consider this: alms aside, Wikipedia is fueled by competitive pedantry and emo-ness. How great is that? "

" I am anti-Halloween. "

" I love New York, but sometimes New York is so mean to you. "

" Pedicures are disgraceful. "

" I love small-business owners, and I actually love the idea of vintage clothing, but I don't get when they pretend that the Internet doesn't exist or that other customers have never been to the whole rest of the country where you can rummage around and buy the same dang belt for a buck and a half. "

" Twenty-thirteen was the year I got super into SoulCycle. "

" In New York, you collect a thousand encounters a year, a passel of handshakes, a zillion air-kisses, and boatloads of business cards that you pitch into your purse and eventually deposit your chewing gum into. Amid this break-neck montage of glancing contacts, I'm tormented by the constant thrumming fear of being fingered as a flake. "

" I have horrible shoe hang-ups. Particularly when it comes to flats. "

" I like science a whole bunch, but I love 'The X-Files' more - I want to believe. "

" I roll my eyes at the grandstanding blowhards who have 'fixed' themselves, but I keep up with the gizmos and apps that track people's various rhythms. I'm no lifelogger or body-hacker, but I'm curious, and I want to be in-tune enough to know what's really the matter so I can level up and be at my most awesome. "

" Rihanna's boots are too scared to look bad on Rihanna. "

" Nothing beats SoulCycle for dumbing all the way out or re-calibrating a mood in less than an hour, which is reassuring, since I typically wake up in a panic that's candy-coated with a low-grade rage. "

" Yes, Justin Bieber is a contrivance. Yes, Justin Bieber's lyrics are insipid - worse still, disingenuous. Yes, his tattoos stink. Yes, he's lousy at skateboarding. But what does any of this actually matter? In case you missed it, Bieber won. "

" LaCroix sparkling water is absolutely delicious. "

" I commit words to paper and the Internet for everyone to pick apart, so I think I tend to be a lot more cynical and dulled. "

" Do you know why we pay trainers and nutritionists? Because having to muster interest in the minor successes of someone else's journey toward pedestrian-ass healthiness is taxing and should be compensated. "

" My sweet spot as a writer and, especially, as an essayist is sub-1500 words. "

" I'm just going to write whatever I'm going to write, and whatever shelf or section they end up on at the bookstore is just going to be that, and I'll let the marketing people pull their hair out and worry about it. "

" I'm definitely an indoor kid who's turned into an inside person. "

" If you can relate to what another person is going through while giving their experience room to be its own discrete thing, you're probably a crackerjack emergency contact. "

" By the time you're in your 30s, unless somebody makes the god-awful decision to gift you with a cooking class or salsa lessons, it may have been a while since you learnt something new. "

" Teens are strange and magical. "

" The notion of this 'emergency contact' is, Do you have someone who is holding you down? Do you know where to go if you're feeling bad? I keep likening it to assigning yourself a godparent of your choosing. "

" If you're holding your iPhone, and it's the newest iteration of it, you're like, 'Oh, famous people have my phone. Captains of industry have my phone.' And that can be an intoxicating experience for someone who is going off to college for the first time. "

" I'm a big believer in puking out all your thoughts in a single sitting and getting some version of the work down, because the alternative just prolongs the agony. The first draft is hideous and ajskdlkdfksjdfslfjk, but it's just a map for where the big blocks go. "

" Reading aloud to other people is wonderful - if you have people who will suffer it. "

" The thing that I find interesting about teens now is that no matter how desperate we seem to be taxonomically 'othering' them, for one reason or another - because the Internet, because whatever - I feel like a lot of the benchmarks and the experiences are, you know, same for teens through time immemorial. "

" Instagram is not a place for tone or irony. "

" I find texting to be kind of a safe space. "

" I'm pretty sure I peaked at 15. "