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" I think babies are a bit boring, actually. They're OK when they're older; they make you laugh. I think we all think that, really - we just don't say it. "
Miranda Hart
Think
Laugh
Older
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" By the age of 13, I knew I wanted to be a comedian like Morecambe and Wise. So, obviously, I thought I'd better start practising my interviews for Parkinson. Don't look shocked - I wasn't the only teenager to imagine that. Though I may have been the only one to have chosen T'Pau as my walk-on music. "
Miranda Hart
Wise
Age
Thought
" I'm very much in denial that I can't dance. I really go for it, which is almost more embarrassing. "
Miranda Hart
Go
Go For It
Much
" Pessimism is my default setting. "
Miranda Hart
Pessimism
Setting
Default
" I am pleased to say that I am not a tortured comedian - I laugh a lot. My twenties weren't particularly happy, but it's the same for a lot of people. In your thirties, you realise that your life and your worries are really insignificant, and you have to force yourself to be more positive and take each day as a gift. "
Miranda Hart
Yourself
Day
Happy
" No blessing goes uncontested. It will take a long time to get your dream. "
Miranda Hart
Time
Blessing
Dream
" I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade. "
Miranda Hart
I Am
I See
Myself
" I absolutely don't write for women - far, far from it. It's so not what I want to do. Some of the writers, who have helped out at the beginning and end of the process - they're all men - have suggested quite feminine subjects they want me to explore. And I'm always, simply, 'No.' I don't want to do diets, don't want to. I just can't do it. "
Miranda Hart
Beginning
Men
Process
" Because I have a dog, it's easier to work at home: I sit in a horrible weird 'Mastermind'-style chair and bask in my own mediocrity. Being single, I've no family life to distract me at the end of the day. Apart from taking the dog for a walk, I have no other responsibilities. "
Miranda Hart
Dog
Home
Family
" I'm quite a confident person in many ways, but there's only so much you can hear about being compared to Hattie Jacques. For the record, she was a comedy goddess, but she was 25 stone. I hope I'm right in saying I'm not in any way nearly 25 stone. "
Miranda Hart
You
Comedy
Hope
" I have lots of ambitions. I'd love to do theatre. I'd like to be in 'Tea With Mussolini 2;' I'd like to touch Meryl Streep - which would involve being with her in some exotic location. I have lots of fantastical dreams. "
Miranda Hart
Dreams
Her
Tea
" However much I might have yearned to be one of The Beautiful Ones, particularly at those ghastly school discos, where any desperate attempt to impress the opposite sex lead to at best deep humiliation, I now feel extremely blessed that I wasn't. "
Miranda Hart
Beautiful
Best
Blessed
" Being tall is very good for reaching high shelves and seeing in a crowd. Sadly, it has also given me the inability to dance. There's too much of me to look neat, which is most disappointing. "
Miranda Hart
Dance
Good
Me
" I think, for a shy person - and I was very shy until my mid-20s - having been to an all-girls' school is not brilliant on the boyfriend front later. Because when I went to university, it was definitely like meeting a new species of people. Suddenly, at age 19, I was thinking: 'Can you speak to these people?' I was very, very nervous. "
Miranda Hart
Think
School
Thinking
" If taking one-self seriously as a woman means committing to a life of grooming, pumicing, pruning and polishing one's exterior for the benefit of onlookers, then I may as well leave my unwieldy rucksack to the top of a bleak Scottish hill and make my home there under a stone, where I'll fashion shoes out of mud and clothes out of leaves. "
Miranda Hart
Home
Fashion
Life
" I do feel that there is a little confusion in people's minds between the real me and sitcom Miranda. I am pleased that people identify with the character, but I think they want me to be her and are disappointed that the real Miranda doesn't actually fall into graves or be that rubbish at life. "
Miranda Hart
Life
Me
People
" I've always felt a bit of an outsider. It used to worry me that, in terms of TV, I did not look like 'the girlfriend' or 'the daughter'. That pushed me to write my own stuff, as I thought no one else was going to write me a lead in the sitcom. "
Miranda Hart
Daughter
Worry
Own
" I started watching some 'Doctor Who' recently on my own and got too scared. I had to watch it in the daytime - I'm pathetic. "
Miranda Hart
Doctor
Watch
Scared
" I did things like get in a cupboard before the teacher came in at the beginning of a lesson, and then, two minutes before the end of the class, I come out of the cupboard and go, 'Sorry I'm late.' "
Miranda Hart
Sorry
End
Go
" The embarrassment of a situation can, once you are over it, be the funniest time in your life. And I suppose a lot of my comedy comes from painful moments or experiences in life, and you just flip them on their head. "
Miranda Hart
Situation
Life
Time
" In my head, I have the most sensational singing voice. I perform concerts to thousands in the shower. The reality is I can hold a tune. The dream is a West End musical one day - no, really! "
Miranda Hart
Singing
Dream
End
" I think there are different kinds of comedians, and I prefer the clowns who are going: 'I'm an idiot, aren't we all a bit like this, laugh at me.' Whereas, a lot of other comedians are saying: 'Aren't I clever? You want to be me, aren't I cool? Revere me.' Which is fine. But that's not my bag. "
Miranda Hart
You
Saying
Me
" I hate talking about my height, because I don't feel like a tall person... When I see a tall woman, I'm always slightly like, 'Whoa.' It looks weird, but that could be because of my complex about it, my worry over whether it's womanly to be that tall. "
Miranda Hart
Talking
Feel
Worry
" I loved school. Not sure how much I focused on the education; just had fun and played lacrosse for seven years. It was lucky I had sport, which I was good at, so it didn't matter that I wasn't great on the academic side, or not brilliant at drama. Although I am still bitter about not being in the school choir. Furious, actually. "
Miranda Hart
Education
School
I Am
" I am not married, no. I wasn't really into the notion when I was younger, but now I think a proposal is the ultimate romantic gesture. "
Miranda Hart
Romantic
I Am
Now
" The main reason I got into comedy was in the hope that I could make a few people laugh and feel better about life, and the fact that I do that is quite overwhelming, really. "
Miranda Hart
Life
Better
Feel
" People are obviously going to mention what I look like, but it's a shame it has to be a key part. I can't just be Miranda. "
Miranda Hart
People
Look
Like
" I kiss, but I don't tell. "
Miranda Hart
Kiss
Tell
" My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends.' And Goran Ivanisevic. "
Miranda Hart
Crush
Friends
Greatest
" People come up to me and say, 'Can I just thank you for writing my life?' And I reply, 'I'm glad someone else is as idiotic as I am.' "
Miranda Hart
I Am
People
Life
" I want to be more physical and theatrical within the stand-up. There might be dance moments, and people better watch out - I will gallop. "
Miranda Hart
Moments
Better
Dance