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" I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times. "

Jackie Mason

Funny

Why

Ridiculous

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" If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. "

" My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies. "

" Predictions are preposterous. "

Jackie Mason

Future

Predictions

" I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about. "

" Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. "

" My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me. "

" I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. "

Jackie Mason

Life

Enough

" It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. "

" I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. "

" I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. "

" It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. "

" Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? "