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" I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... anecdotes. But never a joke. "
" A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright. "
" I'm not sure that I want to be without some lack of confidence. If you are too sure of yourself, you don't grow. You may feel confident in some things, but other fields come up as a challenge. And if you don't anticipate trouble, you will be in trouble. "
" I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. "
" I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done. "
" In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by. "
" Ability is of little account without opportunity. "
" Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't. "
" I think knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can. "
" You spell Bob Hope C-L-A-S-S. "
" It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy. "
" Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts. "
" How to do half-hour comedy innovatively is something I do pride myself on. We invented it with 'I Love Lucy.' "
" I will never do another TV series. It couldn't top I Love Lucy, and I'd be foolish to try. In this business, you have to know when to get off. "
" I wanted to get out of the pictures and stay home so that I could have children. "
" I dyed my hair this crazy red to bid for attention. It has become a trademark, and I've got to keep it this way. "
" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "
" How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them. "
" I've seen 'Mork & Mindy' a couple times. Robin Williams amazes me. And I love Gary Coleman. He puts me away. He puts everybody away. "
" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "
" Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush; otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt. "
" I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent. "
" The more things you do, the more you can do. "
" TV started for me just as a means of keeping my husband Desi off the road. He'd been on tour with his band since he got out of the Army, and we were in our 11th year of marriage and wanted to have children. "
" I'm sometimes scared of everything that has happened to us. We didn't think Desilu Productions would grow so big. We merely wanted to be together and have two children. "
" If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do. "
" Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead. "
" Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. "
" I don't think you should write a book until you tell the absolute truth. You can't do that until you're 85, and I don't want to live that long. I've always prided myself on knowing when to get off, and I hope it works out that way. "
" The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. "
" I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways. "