Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "
" I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. "
" Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't advisable to go to college in America and room with a complete stranger. And it probably wasn't wise to share a bathroom with eight other people in a coed dorm. Looking back, that was crazy. "
" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "
" I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it. "
" Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! "
" I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. But yes, I don't like to get Maudlin. And I have a tendency towards it. "
" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "
" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "
" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later. "
" I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. "
" 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. "
" I'm not a fan of any genre but am a fan of movies that are intelligent and/or funny. That goes across all genres: a horror movie, a zombie movie, alien invaders, chick flick, or raunchy comedy. If it's well done, I'm a fan. "
J. K. Simmons
" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "
" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "
" Memories are doing funny things to us. "
" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "
" For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think I'm decently funny.' But unless you just have some massive ego, I really think you're still fighting against that. "
" I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. "
" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "
" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "
W. Clement Stone
" A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. "
Edward M. Lerner
" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "
" If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity. "
" We, as Americans, at least - I mean, I love my country - but we're so self-righteous sometimes, in terms of, like, our nationality, our country. But we're people from somewhere else; the true 'Americans' are the original peoples. It's funny, but we're a very territorial species. "
" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "
Ricky Van Veen
" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "
" O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. "
" When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side. "
" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "