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" I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did. "

Tim Allen

Class

Two

Sugar

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" While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. "

" I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system? "

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" I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it. "

" The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux. "

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" I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults. "

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Tools

Thing

" The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels. "

" In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship. "

" Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. "

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