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" I think if you ask any of us here, we all dreamed of ending up on Saturday Night Live. I remember thinking, 'I'll just keep doing this as long as I can get away with it.' "

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" I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing. "

Tina Fey

Girl

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School

" A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss. "

" Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about. "

" I want to spend time with Oprah, and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen. "

" An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show her ankles to to get that job? "

" Twitter seems like a busman's holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I'll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I'm old-fashioned that way. "

Tina Fey

Plans

Way

" When I started on 'Saturday Night Live,' I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards. "

" I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. "

Tina Fey

Want

Confidence

" I'm not that good looking... nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen. "

" If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs. "

" I am extremely square and obedient in nature! "

" If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you're asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do. "

" If you're an actor and you don't get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities. "

" I feel like it's harder to get women to show up for movies. "

Tina Fey

Feel

Women

" I didn't get on TV until I was 30, which is really fortunate because you are who you are at that point. "

" I have two daughters, and we live here in Manhattan, and having gone through the Manhattan kindergarten application process, nothing will ever rival the stress of that. "

" The idea of being in control for the sake of control is not really important to me. If everyone is sharp and doing what they're doing well, you don't really need to be in control all the time. "

Tina Fey

Time

You

" I don't like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don't think that fighting and passion are the same thing. "

" I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy. "

" The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, 'Hey, check out my zit!' - you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to. "

" After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that's where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you. "

" The ladies of comedy now are comfortable dressing up. It's not forbidden anymore. "

" I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah. "

" I'm not a mean person, but I have a capacity for it. "

" I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, 'Well, they get pie. It's not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.' I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad. "

" Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like 'Saturday Night Live' forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model. "

" I'm more of a writer than an actor, and I used to say that I'm mostly an improviser, though I haven't improvised in awhile. "

Tina Fey

Writer

Used

" I work, and then whenever I have any other time, I'm with my daughter, and then I go to sleep. I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep. That's basically how we're doing it. "

" When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. "

" I think the world has too many actresses. "