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" I want to be a morning-talk-show host. I love Kelly Ripa's job. She gets to live in New York and has this amazing job hosting a talk show. "
Ellie Kemper
Amazing
She
New York
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" I think New Yorkers are some of the friendliest people in the world, but it just comes out in a different way. In a way where they're swearing at you. "
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" I need to make sure that when I'm running out to the drugstore I'm not wearing a Biore strip or something. Not that I expect anyone to recognize me, but on the off chance they do, I just don't want to embarrass myself. "
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" I think I get certain pleasure from writing what I'm performing. "
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" When you start feeling the baby kick, you realize there's a person inside, and that pregnancy is very different from having a person you're responsible for for the rest of your life. I don't know what I'm doing, but then I have to remind myself no parent does, right? "
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" Improv is mostly what I've studied. "
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" I've never had prejudice against me because of being a woman in comedy, I've never felt any sort of unfairness because of that - but I do think it is naive to think that it doesn't exist. "
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" Most New Yorkers want to look amazing, and they want you to understand that they look amazing, but they also want you to stop staring at them. "
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" I joined an improv comedy group. Ours was named 'Quick Fire!' with an exclamation point. It was when I auditioned for that team and got on it and felt like... I'll just say I felt like I was good at it. "
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Group
Team
Say
" For a few months, I'd have a green juice every day, but one day, I realized I'd rather eat those ingredients than drink them. "
Ellie Kemper
Green
Juice
Day
" My painting teacher in high school used to say, 'I can't paint like I want to, but through practice I'll get better.' But I don't think that's true. I think sometimes you just can't paint. "
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You
" I am fully anticipating that something - perhaps many things - will not go according to plan on our actual wedding day. If some of the flowers are wilted, or there aren't enough vegetarian meals, or the priest calls me the wrong name, I will embrace these errors. "
Ellie Kemper
Day
I Am
Flowers
" I have given myself dork shivers so many times that I would be an outright liar if I characterized myself as anything other than a pure, utter, and unadulterated dork. "
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Liar
Myself
Anything
" A man's face is not a rich person's lawn; you are wasting resources if you devote that much energy to trimming your beard, sideburns, or mustache just so. Nor is a man's face the woods; there need not be the tangled weeds, shrubbery, and wildlife/eggs benedict that get ensnared in them. "
Ellie Kemper
Rich
Beard
Energy
" I love coffee, but I have to make sure I don't have more than one cup a day because I'm already a little hyper. "
Ellie Kemper
More
Because
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" It took two months from the day my fiance proposed to my first Google search for 'wedding planning: how?' Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word 'fiance.' It's so fancy, and it's hard not to sound like a jerk saying it. Which is why I will be using my own word for fiance: gloob. "
Ellie Kemper
Hate
Wedding
Saying
" I have found I'm leaning toward more vibrant colors because I'm so happy in them. "
Ellie Kemper
Colors
Because
More
" If I'm alone, I tend to cook for myself. I do a pretty good job of preparing healthful foods. My go-to is everything in a bowl like quinoa, avocado. Later in the day, scrambled eggs. I'm not a gourmet chef. I cook in bulk very well. "
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Day
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" Men, who certainly possess not only the savvy but also the know-how to be funny, for some reason, are just not. I began to notice this at a pretty young age, and unfortunately, a lifetime of living - and not a little bit of regret - hasn't done much to convince me otherwise. "
Ellie Kemper
Age
Regret
Men
" I'm not on social media because I feel like that would be just such another level of responsibility that I don't feel up to. It's not uncommon now to have personal and public intertwined, and I don't know how people are able to manage that. I don't know where you go when you want to be alone if everything is out there. "
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You
Responsibility
Alone
" If I don't do some sort of exercise in a day, I do get in a terrible mood. That's always been true. "
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Been
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Mood
" A lot of people ask, 'What's the best advice Tina Fey's given you?' But she doesn't, like, go about doling out advice - like, 'I've got another tip for you!' "
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Advice
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" There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny. "
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" In Los Angeles, people dress with the deep and earnest hope that people will do nothing but stare at them. "
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" 'Kimmy' first and foremost is a show about a woman overcoming the odds. I think that they write the show in a way that you're not beaten over the head with it, but showing and not telling. I think that's really powerful. "
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" I'm a little disappointed in myself because before getting pregnant, I resolved to do all these things during my pregnancy to nurse a healthy pregnancy. And so I'm finding in these final weeks that I didn't do any of them. "
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Finding
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Healthy
" I love, love, love, love, love, love Naeem Khan. Every dress he makes looks like it belongs in a museum. You put it on, and you feel like royalty. "
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Dress
Royalty
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" Los Angeles survives on that which is unpredictable. The unexpected courses through its very veins. "
Ellie Kemper
Los Angeles
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" I think, regardless of gender, women and men need to be brave, take chances with their work, and be open to feedback. But I do think 'politeness' is an issue that can hinder your work if you aren't careful. Kindness is important, but being overly polite - thinking you can't disagree with someone about your own work - be careful about that. "
Ellie Kemper
Kindness
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" In the back of my head, I always thought it would be great to become an actress on a sitcom. "
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Back
Thought
Head
" It's interesting because with a lot of people who I've met in comedy, it seems not to matter what your background is. In terms of formal schooling - I feel like that's a nineteenth century term - but in terms of where you went to high school or college, or wherever, all that really is irrelevant, I have found, in comedy. "
Ellie Kemper
School
College
High School