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" I wouldn't mind telling my five good friends that I'm dating, but I don't want my loose connections to know. "

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" I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of my act. I just try to do what I think is funny; there's no huge message or through line. "

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" When you really don't like a guy, they're all over you, and as soon as you act like you like them, they're no longer interested. "

Beyonce Knowles

" I've dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage. "

Lara Flynn Boyle

" You can draw inspiration from anything. If you're a good storyteller, you can take a dirty look somebody gives you, or if a guy you used to have flirtations with starts dating a new girl, or somebody you're casually talking to says something that makes you so mad - you can create an entire scenario around that. "

" When my parents were dating, they were very poor, so my dad couldn't take my mom out. They would go to the grocery store and pick out funny looking vegetables. When I grew up, we'd still go and find the ones with personality. "

" We don't do 'dating' in Sweden. "

Caroline Winberg

" I think it's important to figure out you and to have fun and to be dating and to figure out what you like and what you don't like. It's what growing up is all about. "

" The best companies in the world have all had predecessors. 'YouTube' was a dating site. You always have to evolve into something else. "

" The woman I am currently crazy about was a vegetarian for a year until I started dating her. As is the case with most vegetarians, she had never eaten properly prepared meat, only commercially packaged or otherwise abused flesh. "

" I met my future husband Andy fighting for trans equality, and we fell in love. A couple of months after we started dating, Andy was diagnosed with cancer, and despite getting a clean bill of health several months later, eventually his cancer came back, and it was terminal. "

" I don't do a lot of dating. I guess it's kind of like everyone is always trying to set me up with somebody, so we go out and hang out at a club or somewhere. I think dates are weird. "

" The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" The whole thing about dating was the scariest thing in the world. And I would tell my friends, 'I'm never going to find anyone. Where am I going to find someone? By now, I'm 59 years old. Where do you meet men?' It was really funny. So I just focused on myself. "

" Are you kidding? I'm a terrible cook, but John is a really great one. Literally, I never cook. The whole time we were dating, I prepared two officially romantic meals. Both of them were such disasters that he begs me never to go into the kitchen again. "

" Who would want to get back together with Taylor Swift after having dated her? I'm sure dating her is like talking to a white sheet of paper with a little bit of vanilla ice cream on it that doesn't say anything. "

Kurt Braunohler

" If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else. "

" Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion. "

" I've never dated anywhere else, so I only know L.A. dating, and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I've pulled back and taken the pressure off of myself to figure it out, because there's so much pressure about status that dating has become this game where you pull out all your tricks. "

" After my mother passed away, I felt as though I would never have a relationship as strong as the one that I had had with her. Then, after a lot of ups and downs, I started dating again - but I realised pretty quickly that I was never going to write cheesy love songs. "

" I want my audience to know me for my work, not because of who I'm dating or what drugs I'm on or what club I went to. "

" I think a nice romantic dinner should be saved for when you and the girl you're dating or seeing have something special and it's a more special occasion. "

" Growing up, I didn't get the talk of 'Make sure boys take you on a date and treat you right.' So I was the girl who wasn't dating and would just text. I dated these guys who didn't have jobs, and I would always be paying. At one point, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, 'You're too pretty and cool to be treated like this.' "

" Dating is different when you get older. You're not as trusting, or as eager to get back out there and expose yourself to someone. "

" I do bits about dating but mainly about what I did and how incompetent I am, not any genuine people writing to me. "

" No one knew me until I met my wife Lulu. Lulu's mother used to ask, Which one is Maurice? For six months she thought Lulu was dating Barry. "

" Dating is for tools. "

" If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends. "

" Women always try to see the one good part of The Weird Guy because the dating landscape is so bleak. Women will say, 'He's very odd, but he likes to cook. He's creepy, but he makes good pancakes!' "

Zoe Lister-Jones

" If I talk to a woman for more than five minutes I can tell you exactly whether she's an Aidan girl or a Mr. Big girl. Aidan girls are more interested in nurturing relationships and building a nest while Mr. Big girls are more about show and having fun. "

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