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" I'd love to do Broadway some day. Before I started doing television I was just a primarily a stage actor, but I haven't done it in a while. "
" Oh, I so don't care about the podium at the Oscars. I've stood at the podium at the Oscars and that's close enough. To be a presenter is as close as I need to be. "
" A healthy body means a healthy mind. You get your heart rate up, and you get the blood flowing through your body to your brain. Look at Albert Einstein. He rode a bicycle. He was also an early student of Jazzercise. You never saw Einstein lift his shirt, but he had a six-pack under there. "
" Once I moved to Chicago and started trying to get acting jobs, I just tended to book more things that were comedically based than anything else. I never had the preconceived notion, 'I will be a comedic actor.' I just thought, 'I'll go into acting and see what kind of work I can get.' "
" I think when someone who's known for doing drama does a comedy but just tries to be funny, that's a mistake. "
" I think anyone loves to play a character that is either evil to a certain extent or has a real definable character flaw. Those are always really fun, and, I think, funny. "
" Steve Buscemi is hilarious. He's really, really good with improv. "
" I don't even know if I have kind of a personal, like a take or a mental manual of how I'm raising kids. It's really - I think with everybody, it's just day-to-day and you just try to deal with every situation as they come. "
" Whenever I hear someone describe something as a 'kids movie' or a 'family movie,' it immediately has a negative connotation in my mind because I think, 'Well, as an adult, I wouldn't go see it by myself, because it's purely for children and it holds nothing for me and it's simplistic and it's kind of easy.' "
" Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? Why now?' It's nothing I ever aspired to. "
" Children are very smart, in their own stupid way. A child's brain is like a sponge, and you know how smart sponges are. "
" Everybody should be normal. Everybody should be nice. I think they go hand in hand, and that to me is the default setting. "
" I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian. "
" Because I went from the 'Daily Show' where I was a fake news guy on a fake news show, to 'Bruce Almighty' where I played a news guy, to 'Anchorman' where I played a news guy, now I'm... yeah, I tend to gravitate towards suits. "
" I'm not good with pickup lines or flirting. I don't have that kind of self-confidence or natural charisma. "
" I don't text, I don't have a Blackberry. Literally, I just have a cell phone that I haven't programmed and the whole Bluetooth. No. I don't even have an earpiece for my cell phone. "
" 'Anchorman'... is not grounded in anything. There is absolutely no heart to that movie, which I love. "
" I always feel so pretentious talking about comedy and deconstructing it. It always feels somehow self-centred to talk about any sort of process. "
" My job doesn't define my kids in any way. When we go to places, it's about them and it's about us as a family. I think they're proud of me, but I'm just Dad. "
" It's not a master plan to do every remake and every recreation of icons. It's just what I've been hired to do. "
" I tend not to be someone who's on all the time, or is always trying to make other people laugh. "
" Being a leading man... that's like saying, 'I want to be astronaut.' That's not going to happen. "
" I don't think my kids have to worry too much about me embarrassing them because that's not how I would want to grow up, with wacky dad showing up at school and performing for everyone. "
" I was a bad dater, and up until 8th grade I went to an all boy's school. So, by the time I hit high school I was a bit freaked out by women in general. "
" Whenever I'm offered something, I always read the script and meet the director. I still appreciate just being considered. "
" Sending a handwritten letter is becoming such an anomaly. It's disappearing. My mom is the only one who still writes me letters. And there's something visceral about opening a letter - I see her on the page. I see her in her handwriting. "
" I was sort of traumatized by girls in the third grade. Because there was a girl in my third grade class I had a crush on. I bought her a box of Valentine's Day chocolate. And I put it in her cubby with a note that said something like, 'I am deeply in love with you, Your Secret Admirer.' And I didn't sign my name. "
" In my wildest dreams I never thought - well, I never thought I'd work. "
" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "
" My maternal grandma was a tough, tough lady and a stern woman, who lost her husband young and raised six kids by herself. She lived in a mining community in Upstate New York and ran a boarding house for miners. She took care of an entire family and miners who lived in the house as well. "
" When you do an animated movie - at least the ones that I've been a part of - you never see any of the other actors. It's all done separately with headphones in a voice booth. "