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" Children are very smart, in their own stupid way. A child's brain is like a sponge, and you know how smart sponges are. "

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" I would like for my kids to at least have some familiarity with who I am: 'It's the man from TV!' "

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" You never saw Peter Sellers the actor trying to make you laugh. All he was doing was the character. What I'm saying is that I don't think you should know you're in a movie. I don't like it when actors are winking at the audience and saying, 'Right, isn't this funny? Are you with me?' "

" Whenever I hear someone describe something as a 'kids movie' or a 'family movie,' it immediately has a negative connotation in my mind because I think, 'Well, as an adult, I wouldn't go see it by myself, because it's purely for children and it holds nothing for me and it's simplistic and it's kind of easy.' "

" My father is Italian, and I never met my paternal grandparents. The family name was 'Caroselli' and it was changed in the mid '50s. I think they wanted to assimilate, which was pretty common, although I love the name 'Caroselli.' "

" I'll do whatever I can do to remain employed. I'm just not precious about doing comedy or doing drama. I never want to do something in order to prove to other people what I can do. "

" Sending a handwritten letter is becoming such an anomaly. It's disappearing. My mom is the only one who still writes me letters. And there's something visceral about opening a letter - I see her on the page. I see her in her handwriting. "

" I don't think my kids have to worry too much about me embarrassing them because that's not how I would want to grow up, with wacky dad showing up at school and performing for everyone. "

" When someone is good, but it doesn't seem like their world will collapse if they don't get the part, it's more appealing. It's like dating someone: You don't want someone who's too into you. "

" Being an action star is all I had ever hoped to be. I ultimately knew I would be an action star. "

" It's not a master plan to do every remake and every recreation of icons. It's just what I've been hired to do. "

" It was kind of like they were just giving us a toy to play with, to do whatever we wanted with. "

" I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian. "

" My job doesn't define my kids in any way. When we go to places, it's about them and it's about us as a family. I think they're proud of me, but I'm just Dad. "

" When I first started looking at Twitter, I followed people like Steve Martin, who will just write the funniest non sequiturs now and then, which I thought was really fun. That's kind of the road I've taken. Every now and then, something comes into your mind and you put it out there. It's very innocuous. I think it's kind of fun. "

" I'd love to do Broadway some day. Before I started doing television I was just a primarily a stage actor, but I haven't done it in a while. "

" I always feel so pretentious talking about comedy and deconstructing it. It always feels somehow self-centred to talk about any sort of process. "

" Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? Why now?' It's nothing I ever aspired to. "

" Everybody should be normal. Everybody should be nice. I think they go hand in hand, and that to me is the default setting. "

" Goalies almost never get credit for winning a game, but they always get blamed for losing a game. "

" Because I went from the 'Daily Show' where I was a fake news guy on a fake news show, to 'Bruce Almighty' where I played a news guy, to 'Anchorman' where I played a news guy, now I'm... yeah, I tend to gravitate towards suits. "

" Oh, I so don't care about the podium at the Oscars. I've stood at the podium at the Oscars and that's close enough. To be a presenter is as close as I need to be. "

" When you do an animated movie - at least the ones that I've been a part of - you never see any of the other actors. It's all done separately with headphones in a voice booth. "

" You project a version of yourself to the public to protect and insulate yourself a little bit. Actors come up with a version of themselves in order to protect the real person. "

" I had, like, two goals in my career: One was to try to get into 'Second City.' When I moved to Chicago, my goal was to try to work at 'Second City.' And beyond that, my goal was to make enough money as an actor to not do anything else but act, not have to go and wait tables again. "

" Reading a book, watching a movie, going to a play, it's transporting, and very, very exciting. And to be a part of that, creating things with your imagination, whoa. "

" I remember my wife wanted me to go see 'Contagion,' and I was like, 'Oh my God, why would I want to see that movie?' I mean, I'll just have nightmares and it will freak me out. It turned out that I really enjoyed it; I thought it was very well done. "

" There's very little you could do to prepare to be a correspondent on 'The Daily Show,' because it's not being a journalist, it's not being an actor. It involves elements of both of those things, but they're not required necessarily as job experience. It's helpful if you know how to improvise, but again, not a requirement. "

" People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it. "

" There's such a freewheeling nature to 'Second City,' and the greatest thing about 'Second City' was having a sophisticated audience night after night who appreciated what it was. They knew it wasn't all going to be great when you improvised, so they were very forgiving that way. "