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" If I was going to be a little boy about it, I'd go into hiding for one or two years. But if I was going to be a man about it, it'd be 20 or 30 years. "

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" It's not that I was crazy. It's just that I was sad at times because the world was sad at times. When I would perform, it wasn't sad anymore. "

" I thought Doodyville was inside of the television. You know, like, if television was this box - and if I went inside the box that was a television, I'd be in Doodyville. "

" When I perform, it's very personal. I'm sharing things I like, inviting the audience into my room. "

" Clifton and I don't even look alike. He smokes and drinks, and I do neither. He's a big fat guy, and if it weren't for me, no one would know who he is. "

" If I play my cards right, I could bring network wrestling back to TV. Unfortunately, to most people, wrestling is a laughingstock. But fortunately, I'm reaching people who otherwise wouldn't watch it. "

" Tank you veddy much. "

" Every time my manager approached big network executives or even cable, they told him I was too dangerous. They couldn't trust me. "

" There's no drama like wrestling. "

" I just want the audience to have a wonderful, happy feeling inside them and leave with big smiles on their faces. "

" I'm having everything. I'm a vegetarian, too. But in my mother's house, I eat whatever I'm served. "

" There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me. "

" The more they hate you, the better you're doing. "

" My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that? "

" Any wrestler who will piledrive Lawler and injure him like he did me gets five thousand dollars from me! "

" My parents would say, 'Why don't you go out and play?' and I would say, 'I can't! I'm putting on my shows!' "

" I'm from Hollywood. That's where we make movies and TV shows... I'm not from down here in men-fus ten-uh-see, okay? "

" I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut - or get angry from the gut. "

" Pure entertainment is not an egotistical lady singing boring songs onstage for two hours and people in tuxes clapping whether they like it or not. It's the real performers on the street who can hold people's attention and keep them from walking away. "

" I'm an open book. "

" What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality. "

" I would like to do the Elvis Presley. "

" I never told a joke in my life. "