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" I'm just singing a song, and if people want to laugh, that's their business. "

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" My parents would say, 'Why don't you go out and play?' and I would say, 'I can't! I'm putting on my shows!' "

" I'm an open book. "

" My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that? "

" I thought Doodyville was inside of the television. You know, like, if television was this box - and if I went inside the box that was a television, I'd be in Doodyville. "

" There's no drama like wrestling. "

" I never told a joke in my life. "

" There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me. "

" I'm having everything. I'm a vegetarian, too. But in my mother's house, I eat whatever I'm served. "

" When I perform, it's very personal. I'm sharing things I like, inviting the audience into my room. "

" I would like to do the Elvis Presley. "

" If I was going to be a little boy about it, I'd go into hiding for one or two years. But if I was going to be a man about it, it'd be 20 or 30 years. "

" I'm from Hollywood. That's where we make movies and TV shows... I'm not from down here in men-fus ten-uh-see, okay? "

" I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut - or get angry from the gut. "

" Every time my manager approached big network executives or even cable, they told him I was too dangerous. They couldn't trust me. "

" It's not that I was crazy. It's just that I was sad at times because the world was sad at times. When I would perform, it wasn't sad anymore. "

" Tank you veddy much. "

" Any wrestler who will piledrive Lawler and injure him like he did me gets five thousand dollars from me! "

" I just want the audience to have a wonderful, happy feeling inside them and leave with big smiles on their faces. "

" What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality. "

" If I play my cards right, I could bring network wrestling back to TV. Unfortunately, to most people, wrestling is a laughingstock. But fortunately, I'm reaching people who otherwise wouldn't watch it. "

" While all the other kids were out playing ball and stuff, I used to stay in my room and imagine that there was a camera in the wall. And I used to really believe that I was putting on a television show and that it was going out to somewhere in the world. "

" The more they hate you, the better you're doing. "

" Clifton and I don't even look alike. He smokes and drinks, and I do neither. He's a big fat guy, and if it weren't for me, no one would know who he is. "