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" I'm entitled to my political opinions, and I get to vote because I'm an American. "

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" A liberal pretending to be a conservative? That's like a straight person pretending to be gay to get greater acceptance. "

" I love working on a typewriter - the rhythm, the sound; it's like playing the piano, which I do, too. "

" Always tell the truth - it's the easiest thing to remember. "

" People may or may not say what they mean... but they always say something designed to get what they want. "

" A play is basically a long, formalistic polemic. You can write it without the poetry, and if you do, you may have a pretty good play. We know this because we see plays in translation. Not many people speak Norwegian or Danish or whatever guys like Ibsen spoke, or Russian - yet we understand Chekhov and the others. "

" I don't think there's any information to be gotten from television. "

" I was fortunate enough to have a rambling youth. "

" You can't write about history without writing about politics at some point. History is about movements of people. 'What is criminality and what is government' is a theme that runs through every history. "

" We Americans have always considered Hollywood, at best, a sinkhole of depraved venality. And, of course, it is. It is not a protective monastery of aesthetic truth. It is a place where everything is incredibly expensive. "

" The so-called assault weapons ban is a hoax. It is a political appeal to the ignorant. The guns it supposedly banned have been illegal for 78 years. Did the ban make them 'more' illegal? The ban addresses only the appearance of weapons, not their operation. "

" I'm greedy and ambitious like everybody else. "

" I always thought the real violence in Hollywood isn't what's on the screen. It's what you have to do to raise the money. "

" I hate vacations. There's nothing to do. "

" One person may need (or want) more leisure, another more work; one more adventure, another more security, and so on. It is this diversity that makes a country, indeed a state, a city, a church, or a family, healthy. 'One-size-fits-all,' and that size determined by the State has a name, and that name is 'slavery.' "

" I love the British. "

" The quality I most admire in a man is steadfastness. "

" There's something in me that just wants to create dialogue. "

" I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer. "

" In a world we find terrifying, we ratify that which doesn't threaten us. "

" It's upsetting to be a man in our society. "

" If, indeed, a firearm were more dangerous to its possessors than to potential aggressors, would it not make sense for the government to arm all criminals, and let them accidentally shoot themselves? Is this absurd? Yes, and yet the government, of course, is arming criminals. "

" There's no such thing as talent; you just have to work hard enough. "

" In my family, in the days prior to television, we liked to while away the evenings by making ourselves miserable, solely based on our ability to speak the language viciously. "

" I'm not an ascetic. "

" American football seems to resemble soccer in that one scores by putting the ball through the opponent's goal; but football, truly is about land. The Settlers want to move the line of scrimmage Westward, the Native Americans want to move it East. "

" In Chicago, we love our crooks! "

" You know, young actors say all the time, 'Should I use my own life experience?' And my response is, 'What choice do you have?' "

" If you're writing an opinion piece, it's your job to write your opinion. If, on the other hand, you wrote a novel, as Virginia Woolf tells us, it would be inappropriate if you let your novel be influenced by your political opinions. "

" Movies were never an art form, they were entertainment. It just evolved into an art form from there, and it's still evolving in different ways. "

" Here's what happens in a play. You get involved in a situation where something is unbalanced. If nothing's unbalanced, there's no reason to have a play. If Hamlet comes home from school, and his dad's not dead and asks him if he's had a good time, it's boring. But if something's unbalanced, it must be returned to order. "