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" It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought. "

P. G. Wodehouse

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" The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. "

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" Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. "

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" I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose. "

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" There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. "

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" Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed. "

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" He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!' "

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" The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. "

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" Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels. "

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" Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "

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" To find a man's true character, play golf with him. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Flowers are happy things. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Golf, like measles, should be caught young. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. "

P. G. Wodehouse