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" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "

P. G. Wodehouse

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" It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life. "

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "

" I definitely started to perform a little bit in middle school, but not the typical musical/play route. I think that I am funny, but it was more of a social thing, where that was my part in my circle of friends. "

" He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!' "

P. G. Wodehouse

" If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents. "

" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "

" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "

" He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. "

" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "

" Include me out. "

" I like children - fried. "

" One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. "

" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "

" I think serial monogamy says it all. "

" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

Winston Churchill

" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

" I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. "

" Every day after school for 10 years, I was on the set of 'Married... with Children,' which is a really funny and perverse place for a little girl in a Catholic school uniform to grow up. "

" I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. "

" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "

Garry Shandling

" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "

" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "

" The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. "

Jean de la Bruyere

" We, as Americans, at least - I mean, I love my country - but we're so self-righteous sometimes, in terms of, like, our nationality, our country. But we're people from somewhere else; the true 'Americans' are the original peoples. It's funny, but we're a very territorial species. "

" Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. "

" We spend a lot of time on Skype and other video interviews, and it's funny how many people will prepare for a Skype interview by wearing a formal suit jacket with pajama pants on the bottom. Then suddenly, someone is at the door, and you have to get up, and you realize you're wearing reindeer boxers. Just put pants on. "

Kathryn Minshew

" Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. "