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" I've got 911 on speed dial. "

Douglas Coupland

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" Everyone wants to share what he or she has learned with someone who really cares. "

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" For many people, myself included, the end of the world is happening all the time! It is a form of criticality that paradoxically gives us hope for change and improvement. "

Douglas Coupland

" It's fun to sentimentalize the 20th-century lifestyle and the 20th-century brain, but it helps nobody, it makes you look ancient, there's no going back, and you'd be miserable if you did. "

Douglas Coupland

" You're smarter than TV. So what? "

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" Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you. "

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" In our heads we're all about 33 years old. "

Douglas Coupland

" We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude. "

Douglas Coupland

" Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives; the rest is filler. "

Douglas Coupland

" Salad bars are like a restaurant's lungs. They soak up the impurities and bacteria in the environment, leaving you with much cleaner air to enjoy. "

Douglas Coupland

" TV didn't kill radio, it just added something new to the mix. "

Douglas Coupland

" I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow. "

Douglas Coupland

" My life is neither a disaster nor supernatural, yet it is an unlikely event. "

Douglas Coupland

" I connect fashion to other peoples' elegance, but not my own. I don't think I've ever felt elegant. I've felt appropriate, but never elegant, and I wonder what that must be like. I like it when other people are elegant - I prefer it - but I can't do it myself. I honestly think it's some form of autistic disorder. "

Douglas Coupland

" Gap clothing allows you to look like you're from nowhere and anywhere. "

Douglas Coupland

" I miss the reference section at the library. I used to go there twice a week on missions. Now everywhere's a research library and I can't get an elitist kick from it any more. "

Douglas Coupland

" The neighborhood I grew up in had this fence that surrounds the watershed. And if you go on the other side of that fence, there's nothing until the North Pole and down to Siberia. It's the absolute cutoff point between man and nature. "

Douglas Coupland

" Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question; you're already an animal. "

Douglas Coupland

" If your life had lyrics, would they be any good? "

Douglas Coupland

" Unhappiness is something we are never taught about; we are taught to expect happiness, but never a Plan B to use to use when the happiness doesn't arrive. "

Douglas Coupland

" The capacity for not feeling lonely can carry a very real price, that of feeling nothing at all. "

Douglas Coupland

" The real killers in the business world aren't the ones who aim for the top, it's the ones who aim for two notches below the top. "

Douglas Coupland

" Ten commandments yet seven deadly sins: conflict? "

Douglas Coupland

Ten Commandments

" Those Catholics, they really nab you when you're young. They sear you. They sear you; they do. "

Douglas Coupland

" I've got all my old laptops going back to my first, which was so fancy at the time, in '93 or '94, but now it's just like a doorstop. One day I said, 'I'll go in and get all my old documents in there.' The cords and the wires are all gone, the discettes you need are gone. Meanwhile the little electrons are starting to wither away. "

Douglas Coupland

" I think way back, the '20s or the '30s, when Kodak came out with the Brownie and they put a list of instructions on the box, like how to use this thing, I think someone arbitrarily said, 'Make sure the person in the photograph is smiling.' And we went from that one sort of set of industrial instructions to this whole culture of perkiness. "

Douglas Coupland

" Given the infinite number of coincidences that could happen, very few ever actually do. The universe exists in a coincidence-hating state of anti-fluke. "

Douglas Coupland

" I want pills called September 10. You take one and your mind feels like the 11th never happened. "

Douglas Coupland

" I will say that my days are spent solitary and somewhat lost in thought, and every single time I inadvertently wear my shirt inside out in public, I bump into my sister-in-law at the grocery store. "

Douglas Coupland

" Failure is authentic, and because it's authentic, it's real and genuine, and because of that, it's a pure state of being. "

Douglas Coupland

" I keep vampire hours, going to bed at 2 A.M. and waking up at about 10:30-11 A.M. "

Douglas Coupland