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" Love your friends' kids, even if you don't want or like children. Just do it. "
Roxane Gay
Children
Want
You
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" Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, it's probably going to be easier for you to be happy. "
Roxane Gay
Happy
Best
Be Happy
" My parents have been married for 42 years. Their marriage has been - from what I can see - a happy one. "
Roxane Gay
Marriage
See
Happy
" People don't want to think... I mean, they don't! They just want to say, 'Oh, okay, feminists are humorless man-haters,' and that's simply not the case. There are radical people and radical ideas in absolutely every movement, but that doesn't mean they define the ideals. "
Roxane Gay
People
Ideas
Okay
" That's what is always fascinating about racism - how it is allowed, if not encouraged, to flourish freely in public spaces, the way racism and bigotry are so often unquestioned. "
Roxane Gay
Always
Way
Racism
" I love, but I am not entirely sure how to be loved: how to be seen and known for the utterly flawed woman I am. It demands surrender. It demands acknowledging that I am not perfect, but perhaps I deserve affection anyway. "
Roxane Gay
I Am
Woman
Not Perfect
" Margaret Sanger didn't just introduce the idea of birth control into our culture at large, she freed women from indenture to their bodies. "
Roxane Gay
Control
Culture
She
" I have known beaches, but I have no particular fondness for them. I don't like sand in my crevices. I don't like sand at all. I don't enjoy all that sunshine and heat without the benefit of climate control. "
Roxane Gay
Control
Heat
Sand
" The open letter has always been an interesting rhetorical strategy - a way of delivering a pointed message to a specific individual or group while also reaching a wide audience. "
Roxane Gay
Audience
Interesting
Strategy
" I am 39. I am single. I am a black woman. I have too many advanced degrees. Many a news story tells me finding true love is likely a hopeless proposition. Now is the time when I need to believe in fairy tales. "
Roxane Gay
Love Is
Woman
True Love
" It's an amusing idea to some, this feminism thing - this audacious notion that women should be able to move through the world as freely, and enjoy the same inalienable rights and bodily autonomy, as men. At least, that's the impression given when feminism and feminists are all too often the targets of lazy humor. "
Roxane Gay
Lazy
Enjoy
Women
" We cannot sway extremists with rational thought or with our ideas of right and wrong. "
Roxane Gay
Rational
Wrong
Thought
" Beyonce is not above critique. As a feminist herself, I hope Beyonce would welcome it. "
Roxane Gay
Feminist
Above
Welcome
" A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology. "
Roxane Gay
Relationships
Reading
Curious
" Day after day with them, I see more and more of my parents in me. I see where all my quirks come from. I see my future. "
Roxane Gay
Future
Day
Me
" I support anything that broadens the message of gender equality and tempers the stigma of the feminist label. We run into trouble, though, when we celebrate celebrity feminism while avoiding the actual work of feminism. "
Roxane Gay
Celebrate
Work
Support
" As I started to think about how I can claim feminism while also acknowledging my humanity and my imperfections, 'bad feminism' simply seemed like the best answer. "
Roxane Gay
Bad
Best
Humanity
" This is the real problem feminism faces. Too many people are willfully ignorant about what the word means and what the movement aims to achieve. "
Roxane Gay
Ignorant
People
Achieve
" Everyone else thinks I'm a nonfiction writer. I think it's because my nonfiction is easier to find. But I write both in equal measure. I love writing fiction because I can totally lose myself, and I get to make up the rules of the world that I'm writing. "
Roxane Gay
Myself
Love
Think
" It would be easy to assume that the open letter is a symptom of the Internet age. Such is not the case. In 1774, Benjamin Franklin wrote an open letter to the prime minister of Great Britain, Lord North - a satirical call for the imposition of martial law in the colonies. "
Roxane Gay
Easy
Great
Internet
" You cannot reason with people who don't recognize the humanity in all of us. "
Roxane Gay
You
Reason
Who
" I want to take the time to think through how I feel and why I feel. I don't want to feign expertise on matters I know nothing about for the purpose of offering someone else my immediate reaction for their consumption. "
Roxane Gay
Time
Feel
Purpose
" I don't want the whole of my writing or my intellectual energy given over to race because I have diverse interests. "
Roxane Gay
Energy
Intellectual
Writing
" I think there are a lot of rules for women. We have a lot of expectations and a lot of rules for women. So we're expected to march in a straight line, and when we don't, all hell breaks loose. "
Roxane Gay
Women
Hell
Expectations
" If I were ever to grace the pages of 'Vogue,' I would want my image retouched because the audience is so vast. There is great vulnerability in being exposed to that many judging eyes. I feel no small amount of guilt over this willingness to surrender my ideals. "
Roxane Gay
Grace
Feel
Eyes
" I have a job I'm pretty good at. I am in charge of things. I am on committees. People respect me and take my counsel. I want to be strong and professional, but I resent how hard I have to work to be taken seriously, to receive a fraction of the consideration I might otherwise receive. "
Roxane Gay
Job
Me
Work
" I recognize that I'm human, and the older I get, the more I realize how fallible I am, how fallible we all are. "
Roxane Gay
Older
More
How
" I keep trying to imagine a universe in which too many public figures declaring themselves feminists would be a bad thing. "
Roxane Gay
Trying
Keep
Bad
" For celebrities, privacy is utterly nonexistent. You are asked intrusive questions about your personal life. You can be photographed at any moment. "
Roxane Gay
Life
You
Questions
" If you feel like it's hard to be friends with women, consider that maybe women aren't the problem. Maybe it's just you. "
Roxane Gay
Hard
Feel
You
" We have to believe that we can hold different points of view without labeling each other bad feminists. "
Roxane Gay
Different
Believe
View