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" No matter how many times people say it - 'Oh, I'm just writing this for myself' 'Oh, I'm just doing this for myself' - nobody's doing it for themselves! You're doing it for an audience. So whether I'm performing or writing a book or playing music, it's definitely to be put out there and to be received in some way, definitely. "

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" Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. "

Steve Martin

Only

Out

" Well, today the Grammys is much much better than the Oscars. I think the differences in the shows are that the Grammys are much wilder. The Oscars is much more people in the industry. And people dress wilder, I think, at the Grammys. "

" Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. "

" When I was in college, I really liked poetry. I don't read much anymore. "

" I like all kinds of music. I listen to Abigail Washburn, the Punch Brothers, and Marc Johnson, the great clawhammer player. I also listen a lot to Sirius Radio, there's a lot of bluegrass there. "

Steve Martin

Punch

Radio

" I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point. "

" Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played alone, so I was never required to stay in rhythm or anything. So it was a real different experience for me to start playing with a band. There were so many basic things for me to learn. "

" I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. "

" I never thought about success. I always thought about doing the job at hand. My goal was getting through the show that night. "

" Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty. "

" There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. "

Steve Martin

Woman

" A record isn't like a movie - you can get it together pretty fast. "

" What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. "

" When I was in college, I was debating to try my hand at show business, or to become a professor. I just thought of the risk of not going into show business and always wondering if I would've had a chance. Because that's where my real heart was. "

" I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner. "

" I'm enamored with the art world. "

" Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled. "

" I was reading an article in the 'New York Times;' it talked about being in the zone, and being in the zone you're so focused that time ceases to exist. It's when you think, 'Oh, I've been doing this for five hours and didn't even know it.' It's the difference between hard work and going, '12 o'clock, not moving.' "

" L.A. is only where you live, because otherwise it's just a sprawling mass of everything, and I think if you live in L.A., you get a little network of places you go, and people you see, and when you leave town, you do miss those places and your friends. "

" I wish I could do a lot of things different. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but if I had a list of all my films right now, I'd go, 'Okay, I'll cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out.' Really. But I've made over 40 films. How can I not have some losers in there? "

" Well, excuuuuuse me! "

Steve Martin

Well

" I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period. "

" When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well. "

" I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly. "

" What I mean is that none of my talents had a - what's that great word - rubric. A singer, an actor, a dancer - there was nothing I could really say I was. The writing came much later. And, actually, thank God, because if I had said I'm a singer, I would really have just had one thing to do. "

" I actually credit Twitter with fine-tuning some joke-writing skills. I still feel like I'm working at it. "

Steve Martin

Credit

Feel

" In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd just to stand there mute and play 25 banjo songs. "

" I don't think anyone is ever writing so that you can throw it away. You're always writing it to be something. Later, you decide whether it'll ever see the light of day. But at the moment of its writing, it's always meant to be something. So, to me, there's no practicing; there's only editing and publishing or not publishing. "

Steve Martin

Think

Light

" Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. "

" I think when I was young, let's call it high school, and even before that, I just loved comedy, and I loved comedians. I grew up watching Laurel and Hardy. That's really a long time ago. I loved Jerry Lewis. I just loved comedians. "